?

Log in

No account? Create an account
#10 Logan Likes Mary Anne! snark - chapters 6 to 10 - Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Dissecting the unintentional hilarity of The Baby-sitters Club.

[ tags | BSC-Snark Tags ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]

#10 Logan Likes Mary Anne! snark - chapters 6 to 10 [Nov. 18th, 2017|02:52 am]
Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest!

bsc_snark

[thefrinkahedron]
I hope you're all enjoying my snark so far! Here's the next third.

Chapter 6

It's the day of the big baby sitting gig. When Mary Anne sees Logan, she freezes up again, but tells herself "This is a job, you fuckwit. Get your fucking shit together." Finally, a little common sense! Logan asks "How much trouble can one little kid be?" and Mary Anne immediately thinks of Jenny. What the fuck is wrong with Jenny? The kid plays quietly by herself. What an easy fucking job! Sounds like a baby sitter's dream to me! Karen, on the other hand, scares her siblings at every opportunity and terrorizes her poor neighbour left, right and centre. Fuck, the little turd scraped the paint off her father's car, AND WASN'T EVEN DISCIPLINED FOR IT. What the fuck has Jenny done? Refused to put on a painting smock? But anyway, I'm getting off topic.

They ring the bell and Mrs. Rodowsky answers the door. She doesn't look like most mothers in Stoneybrook because she's wearing jeans. Umm... what?! I honestly don't even know what to say to that.

She specifically tells them to call her Mariel, but they don't. Jackie runs down the stairs yelling about his grasshopper. After his mother leaves, he bounces off the couch and almost flies right into the piano but Logan manages to catch him. He then starts going on about his male grasshopper again, who is called Elizabeth. Meh. I won't snark that. It's his pet. He can call it what he wants. He runs upstairs to get it. Logan and Mary Anne make awkward small talk, and realise that Jackie's taking an awfully long time to grab a jar and haul ass back downstairs.

They hear a thump, sprint upstairs, and find Jackie sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by shower curtain. Apparently, he tried to do a chin-up on the shower curtain rod. He and Logan start chatting about random shit, and Mary Anne gets her panties in a twist because Logan hasn't checked him over for injuries, and hasn't reprimanded him for being stupid. So she does so, and Jackie demands grape juice, and claims that he can pour it himself. Of course, he spills it all over the carpet. Nice work, kid. Logan comes to the rescue and cleans the mess up, and Jackie goes to get the grasshopper again. This time they have enough sense to follow him.

The kid gets his hand stuck in the jar, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Hasn't he ever taken his grasshopper out of the jar before? Why the hell didn't his hand get stuck last time? Anyway, Logan comes to the rescue AGAIN, and gets it out with margarine. This kid actually has some sense!

We're told that, before his mother had arrived home, Jackie had managed to fall off his bike, rip his jeans, and cause Mary Anne to fall into Logan's arms. Apart from the last thing, which I doubt Mary Anne had much of an issue with, what a fucking nightmare. They should use a picture of this kid in condom advertisements.

As they're leaving, Logan tells Mary Anne that she has a nice smile. Aww.

Chapter 7

Claudia's baby sitting Mari Myih Myriah and Gabbie Perkins. Bitch can't spell "have". Anyway, "Claudee Kishi" arrives and Mrs. Perkins is all stressed because the dryer just broke and Gabbie has put stickers all over her bedroom door. I get that. I did the same when I was a kid, no one bothered to try to take them off for years, and when I grew up and complained about having babyish stickers all over my door, my parents tried to take them off and the paint came off with them.

Anyway, Mrs. Perkins asks Claudia if they can meet Myriah at the bus stop at 4pm. She then SPECIFICALLY SAYS that Chewy can stay in the yard, and she leaves. Gabbie shows Claudee the stickers and plays by herself for a bit, until they need to leave to go get Myriah.

As they're leaving, Claudee says that Chewy might like a walk, and Gabby mentions that they don't usually take him to the bus stop. The child has more sense than Claudee, who doesn't listen. They walk him to the bus stop, the dumbass goes to pick up Gabbie, and DROPS THE LEASH. The dog grabs Myriah's backpack, and takes off, of course. So they start chasing him, passing the homes of several of the neighbourhood kids, who all start chasing him, too. Charlotte Johnanssen manages to grab Myriah's backpack, and Claudia TAKES THE KIDS HOME AND LEAVES CHEWY LOOSE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

JESUS CHRIST!

She sits in the house stressing, until a workman rings the doorbell saying that Chewy's been stealing cones. Claudee traps him in the backyard, and Mrs. Perkins comes home. When Claud tells her what happened, she says that Mrs. Perkins seems to think she's bullshitting.

I'd be so fucking pissed off if I'd specifically told a baby sitter to leave my dog in the yard, and she took him out, lost him, and DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING LOOK FOR HIM!

Oh, well. Moving on.

Chapter 8

Meeting time. They're all laughing over the Chewy incident, and Kristy gets the shits, claiming that she'll have to make a decision about Logan by herself. The others all come to attention, and Kristy asks Mary Anne about Logan's trial gig. She says that he did a decent job, and they all agree that they like him, but THEY DON'T WANT HIM IN THE CLUB BECAUSE THINGS ARE AWKWARD AS FUCK WHEN HE'S AROUND.

THEN WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM GO ON A TRIAL GIG?!! FUCK!!!

Anyway, Mariel calls to set up another job, and says that Jackie loves Logan and Mary Anne and wants them to come back. How sweet! Unfortunately, no one's free. Dawn suggests calling Logan, since Jackie likes him anyway, and Kristy says no because he's not an official member yet. What the fuck, Kristy?

Anyway, Mary Anne says she'll try to get out of the boring dinner plans with her dad and his clients, and that they should call Mrs. R back to say that either she or Luevulle will be there. They should probably check with Logan first, but whatever. The bitches get Mary Anne to call Logan to tell him that he can't be in the club, because the majority of them are not mature enough to conduct business with a penis in the room. She says "At least let me call him in private" and goes home a few minutes early.

Hyperventilating, she calls him and is just about to tell him that he can't join, when he says that he's decided against it anyway. After the extreme awkwardness of that first meeting, I honestly can't say I blame him.

Mary Anne takes it personally, of course, and starts wondering if Logan really likes her or whether he was bullshitting, when he asks her to the Remember September dance.

Yes, a dance to celebrate a month. But I digress.

Even though Mary Anne hates dancing, and her dad would probably pitch a fit, she says yes.

Chapter 9

Another fucking baby sitting chapter. This time it's Stacey sitting for Charlotte.

The notebook entry tells us that Charlotte has skipped a year in school, and has a "best friend" named Sophie McCann, even though none of this is mentioned in the actual chapter.

Nothing super-interesting here. Stacey has her Kid-Kit, and reads Charlotte "Happy Birthday to You" by Dr. Seuss. This, of course, leads to the topic of birthdays, and Stacey mentions that Mary Anne's turning 13 soon. For some reason, Charlotte seems to think that it would be a good idea to throw a surprise party for Mary Anne. Sounds like hell to me. You'd think that, being shy herself, Charlotte would know better. But anyway, Stacey shuts the idea down, and Charlotte then suggests throwing a regular party and then bringing out a surprise birthday cake. Why not just ASK Mary Anne whether or not she wants to celebrate her birthday?

But anyway, Stacey goes home and starts writing a guest list, including Dorianne Wallingford, Pete Black, Howie Johnson, Emily Bernstein and Rick Chow, plus she'll ask everyone to bring a date. Mary Anne is FUCKING SHY! She would not want people there that she doesn't know well! Just go over her house for pizza and a movie or something. I'm shy, and I can tell you for a fact that I would MUCH prefer that over a party with a bunch of people that I barely even know.

Chapter 10

It's the day before the Remember September dance! Mary Anne's father has miraculously agreed to let his daughter go, and has even given her his Bellair's charge card so that she can buy a new outfit.

She brings the cult, of course. Rather than looking for a dress or shoes or hair accessories or whatever, Stacey tries to drag Mary Anne to the underwear department! Umm... what the fuck, Stacey? That's so fucking inappropriate. Why the hell does Mary Anne need new underwear? Does Stacey honestly expect her to go all the way on the first date?

But anyway, Claudia eventually find Mary Anne a "full white skirt with the words Paris, Rome and London, and sketchy pink and blue pictures of the Eiffel Tower, the Tower Bridge, and other stuff scrawled all over it." Mary Anne also buys a pink shirt, pink sweater, and some white flats with pink and blue edging. Nice.

The next day, Kristy suggests they pay Janine a couple of dollars to answer the phone for them, while they go over to Mary Anne's to help her get ready.

WHAT... THE... FUCKING... FUCK?!!!!!

She tells Mary Anne to scuff up the bottoms of her shoes or she'll slip and fall, and Mary Anne starts freaking out. Mary Anne's dad drives them all to the dance, and we get some outfit descriptions!

Claudia's wearing "short, tight-fitting black pants and a big white shirt that said BE-BOP all over it in between pictures of rock and roll dancers" with a floppy blue bow in her hair.

Stacey's wearing a white t-shirt with a hot pink jumpsuit. Fugly.

Dawn's wearing a green and white oversized sweater with stretchy green pants.

Kristy's wearing a white turtleneck under a pink sweater with jeans. Seriously, Kristy?

But anyway, the hallway is fucking packed. Mary Anne spots Logan opposite her and has to fight her way through the crowd to go say hi. He gives her a smushed orange flower which doesn't go with anything. (Nice job, Logan.) They drink punch and make awkward small talk, while Mary Anne constantly checks the time, counting the number of minutes until she can escape.

They finally start to dance. Mary Anne copies him, which is cute and makes him laugh. She then kicks one of her feet and her shoe flies off, narrowly misses the vice-principal, and hits the wall. Everyone loses their shit laughing at her, including her BFFs. She marches over to the bleachers and Logan dances with the other cult members, while checking on Mary Anne every now and then. There is no mention of her apparent best friends coming over to check on her once throughout the evening.

The dance ends, Logan's all sweet, and Mary Anne decides that she might actually want to go to another dance with him... maybe.
LinkReply

Comments:
From: shatisarockgod
2017-11-19 04:13 am (UTC)
and Mary Anne immediately thinks of Jenny. --*head desk*

What the fuck is wrong with Jenny?--Cause Jenny has a mind of her own and uses it. The cult's used to Stepford kids that do whatever they say and are genuinely into it. "Let's put on a marching band using oatmeal boxes and paper towel rollers! It'll be fun!" "YAY!" versus Jenny who'd probably refuse because the idea sounds stupid and not at all fun.

Fuck, the little turd scraped the paint off her father's car, AND WASN'T EVEN DISCIPLINED FOR IT.--I never want to hear or read about Karen being a smart kid after that car fiasco. There were so many instances throughout all the series that shows Karen doing the dumbest shit.

She doesn't look like most mothers in Stoneybrook because she's wearing jeans--HA! More stuck in the 50s stuff imo. Let me have my best June Cleaver outfit on even if I'm cleaning the house!

They should use a picture of this kid in condom advertisements.--That job's going directly to Karen. :D

Claudia TAKES THE KIDS HOME AND LEAVES CHEWY LOOSE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.--And this looks really bad. She didn't follow the directions about he can be left in the backyard, she should've had the common sense to realize that Chewy's a damn strong dog and he might get away from Claudia even if she hadn't put the leash down, the possibility of having to tell the parent that the dog got away and you don't know where he's at, etc.

You'd think that, being shy herself, Charlotte would know better.--True. And the reverse can be said for Mary Anne sticking up for Charlotte during all the times they force Charlotte to do shit when it'll only lead to meltdowns.

That's so fucking inappropriate. --It's shit like that is why so many people can crack jokes at her expense. My favorite are the Sea City books when I think damn near every snarker has tied in a Stacey joke with the Crabs for Grabs sign.

WHAT... THE... FUCKING... FUCK?!!!!!--I wish this casual attitude would've stuck around for Kristy. This is a lot better than "The CULT needs to be your #1 priority."

Everyone loses their shit laughing at her, including her BFFs. --Best friends you'll ever have!!!

Enjoyed the snark! :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: thefrinkahedron
2017-11-19 05:36 am (UTC)
she should've had the common sense to realize that Chewy's a damn strong dog and he might get away from Claudia even if she hadn't put the leash down-- Claudia's never had a dog. (Well, it's never been mentioned, anyway.) She's probably seen Kristy walking Louie a heap of times, and thought "how hard can it be?"

the possibility of having to tell the parent that the dog got away and you don't know where he's at-- Fuck, how great would it have been if that had actually happened?

My favorite are the Sea City books when I think damn near every snarker has tied in a Stacey joke with the Crabs for Grabs sign.-- I damn near pissed myself when I read that in one of the "Boy-Crazy Stacey" snarks. Funny how Mary Anne couldn't even talk to boys (before Logan, anyway), while Stacey was, and always has been, a total slut. I honestly don't buy the two of them being friends.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)