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Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest! - #4 Karen's Kitty Kat Club [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Dissecting the unintentional hilarity of The Baby-sitters Club.

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#4 Karen's Kitty Kat Club [Jun. 18th, 2014|06:27 pm]
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Okay guys...after this there's just one more snark to repost, then I will be giving you BRAND NEW material on Friday!!!! Though probably not every day after that, though I will try because there's a buttload of books to get through, lol. I appreciate ya'll not getting upset that I reposted the snarks, and I hope you enjoy the new stuff that's coming up! :)




Cover Snark: Not much to snark here. Karen, Amanda Delany and Hannie are sitting around adoring their respective cats. Boo Boo is suddenly grey. And Karen has his face pressed against her shoulder, probably to hide the "please kill me now" express he's no doubt wearing. If you hold the kitty like that, Karen, it's no wonder he doesn't like you.

Also, is it just me or does Karen have a ridiculous amount of throw pillows for a six year old? The poor kid can only have two pairs of jeans, but she can have twenty decorative pillows on her bed? Nice, Watson.




Chapter 1


The story opens with the totally nonsensical line about Ms Colman reading Karen's class a very funny book called "Jacbo Two Two Meets the Hooded Fang." There's no rhyme or reason for it, it's just a random bit of fact stuck at the start of the book. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I was reading one of Dan Brown's Robert Langdon books.

Karen launches into telling us her name is Karen Brewer, but it should be Karen Two Two because of all her twos in life. Two mommies, two daddies.. and this would be so much more interesting if the two mommies lived with each other and the two daddies in the other house with each other. Instead, we skim this part.

By the way Karen...fuck you for thinking that Sam and Charlie are old. I'm thirty-two and I'm STILL young, SO THERE!!!!

And she flat out says she has two PAIRS of jeans instead of my earlier thought that it was just her way of saying jeans at both houses. Even if Lisa isn't getting a lot of child support, for God's sake take the kid to Goodwill!

This segues into Karen wishing she had two Kristys. Excuse me a moment while I cower in terror at the thought. Apparently she's the model step sister. And the next paragraph is an advertizement for the BSC. Which Karen thinks she's going to join when she gets old enough. Oh the humanity!

She wants to start a club of her own, but she doesn't know how. With your personality, Karen, don't even bother. You'll just end up like K-Ron. Then again, that seems to be her goal. Is this supposed to be a horror novel?

Karen is staring out her window. Since it's at the Little House there's no witch for Karen to stare at and accuse of trying to curse the neighborhood so she's bored and waiting to go to the Big House. Oh, but she's writing off her public shaming of Mrs. Porter as her and Hannie having a "scary adventure."

Lisa calls them and the kids clatter down the stairs like a herd of wildebeest yelling "Hurray!" Does anyone *really* say 'hurray' when they're cheering?




Chapter 2

Karen thinks Saturday morning is the best, best time of her weekends at the Bis House because she wakes up in her room, is there all day and goes to sleep in her room. Poor kid. That Saturday she puts her lucky rabbit's foot on her belt loop, explaining to us she tries to make Saturdays as nice as she can. Oh...kay? That makes no sense, but we'll roll with it. At least she's not accusing Mrs. Porter of killing the rabbit.

There's a huge paragraph here about her broken wrist. I kind of feel sorry for everyone around Karen if she carries on about things like this. I mean, I broke my tailbone, but I only bring it up when you ask me to sit through "Titanic 3-D" or something. She strikes me as a type to not only beat a dead horse, but beat it until it's ashes and bones. Plus, once again I'm going to say it: breaking a bone is NOT an accomplishment! Thankfully she got the cast off two weeks ago. NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT!

Karen puts her lucky stone in her pocket for added luck and goes downstairs for breakfast. She points out that Boo Boo is eating on the kitchen counter. Hannie thinks it's gross and honestly so do I. And I have four cats. But seriously, those cute little kitty toes go in the litterbox. *shudder*

Karen goes into her spiel about Boo Boo being fat and old and mean. Well, in the last book we saw you bribe him with food and then try to force him to play with you, so we know why he's fat and mean, Karen. Apparently Rocky is much younger and more polite. And prettier.

If that one's not enough to get the rescue mama in me pissy, she then tell us Midgie is a mutt "but that's okay." They are so benevolent they love him even if they don't kow what kind of dog he is. He's an awesome dog to put up with you, Karen, that's what kind of dog he is.

This makes Karen think about how lucky she is to have four pets and how none of her friends have that many pets. I hope she's not this competitive someday if she has kids or she'll give Michelle Duggar a run for her money.

Hannie distracts Karen from her basking in her own awesome with some very big news.



Chapter 3


Karen is so excited that Hannie has news that she jumps up and down, begging her to tell her. Hannie barely has a chance to catch her breath before Karen forces the news from her - the Papadakises got a kitten!

They named her Pat the Cat. To go with Noodle the Poodle and Myrtle the Turtle. Obnonxious or awesome? YOu be the judge. (I'm on the fence. It's cute now, but I hope they never get an Iguana or a Sugarglider or even a Guinea Pig.)

Now that Hannie has three pets, Karen starts thinking about how lucky she and Andrew are to be two-twos and have more more pets than their friends. She admits it's not nice to think that, but she does anyway. Well, it's only one more than Hannie now, so get over yourself, Karen.

Hannie takes Karen to meet Pat the Cat. Karen points out that the Papadakis place is as big as her father's house. McMansions...I'm lovin' it.

Apparently Pat the Cat is black, but Karen doesn't spaz out and try to excorsize the poor kitty or anything. Mrs Porter's cat, Midnight, is only evil by association, I guess.

Karen points out that she, Hannie and Amanda all have cats. This keeps sticking in her mind. They all have cats and they live near each other. Hannie, however, just about withers and dies at the mention of Amanda Delaney and her four hundred dollar cat.

Thankfully Pat the not quite Cat is entertaining and her cute antics eat up the rest of the chapter until it's time for Karen to go home for lunch. Unfortunately for all mankind, Karen is getting an idea.



Chapter 4

So Karen's great idea is that since she, Hannie and Amanda all have cats they should start a cat club. What about the fact Hannie and Amanda can't stand each other? Why didn't they just make a club with Nancy? They have to have something in common and much less blood would be shed.

Then Karen has to start naming the club and honestly I gotta say the "Kittycat Club" sounds like a strip joint. Maybe they can find a tiny g-string for Boo Boo and a cute little black bow tie for Pat the Almost Cat? And don't make that face, at least I don't eat cats like a certain loveable 80's alien! I'm looking at you, Alf, and no, you may not join Karen's club.

Is it just me or does Karen spend a lot of time sitting on the front steps of either house and thinking? Right now she's doing her best Pooh Bear impression over the details of the club. Mainly WHY does the club exist? To stroke your ego, Karen. But why do you need some big purpose? Get together, gossip, eat junk food...I'd join that club.

Oh God...she wants the cats to come to the meetings? So they can teach the cats tricks? I thought Ann had cats! I mean, yes, cats can learn tricks, but they have to WANT to do it. And generally kitty play dates don't end well.

And Karen, stop shitting on Boo Boo. He is not too old to learn tricks. Or too fat and grumpy. He hates you, and THAT is why he won't learn tricks.

Kristy comes upon Karen thinking about her club and I think this is about the time the four horseman should start riding down the street. Oh wait! This isn't BSC-verse Kristy! Instead we get sane, rational Kristy that points out that Hannie and Amanda don't like each other. Thus...this is a very bad idea.

Karen thinks they'll learn to like each other if they're in a club together. No, that's only going to make them resent you for putting them in that situation. But instead of pointing this out, Kristy is distracted by Karen asking her to tell her about the start of the Baby Sitters Club.



Chapter 5

Apparently lunchtime at the Big House on Saturday is super special too because they put all of the food in the house on the kitchen table and let the kids have at it. I will admit, I usually end up eating that sort of lunch when I clean out the fridge. But what I want to know is after the kids eat, who puts it back? I'm betting it's either Elizabeth or Nannie.


"We put out bread and mustard and mayonnaise and cheese and cold cuts and pickles and olives and peanut butter a and jelly and fruit and salad and potato chips and pretzels and carrot sticks and celery sticks and juice and milk. We can eat whatever we want."

I realize they're just putting out the kid-cooking friendly fare there, but that's all Watson has in his fridge? Most of that list is condiments.

Every week Sam makes a Dagwood sandwhich, which apparently is piling random shit on bread. Karen thinks him putting leftover meatloaf on a sandwhich is gross but doesn't think twice about the potato chips. Then she adds he once put in three olives like that's the wackiest sandwhich ingridient yet. Though that's not nearly enough for a whole sandwhich...maybe they only had three left?

"I always have the exact same lunch: an apple, a celery stick with peanut butter spread in it, some potato chips, and milk. That is a very wonderful meal."

Raise your hands if your mother would've told you had to each something "heavier" than that. *raises hand* You better believe my Momma would've been been making me take a sandwhich or at least a bowl of soup too.

Ha, Karen thinks she'll throw up if she has a bite of Kristy's peanut butter and banana sandwhich. If Kristy was smart, she'd like "more for me" than "it won't hurt you." I like it when people think what I'm eating is gross, then I don't have to share.

Karen and Kristy settle out in the yard under a oak tree where K-Ron can spread her secrets of indoctrination down to the next generation in peace and quiet. Kristy is all to happy to regal her little sister with the glorious story of the Baby Sitter's Club conception. And that takes up rest of the chapter.



Chapter 6

Karen, the child with only two pairs of jeans to her name, has a kid sized table and chair set in her bedroom. Priorities, Watson. She also has a lot of art supplies for someone who has hardly any clothing.

She sits down with Moosie to make invitations to the Kittycat club. I want to make a dirty joke here, but I'm trying to keep in mind the median age of these girls is seven. Ann is not making it easy on me.

The first invivation reads:
"COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
I WILL LET YOU JOYN MY CLUB.
BRING YOUR CAT."

Two observations here. First...this is the kid that skipped a grade because she's so damn smart and she can't spell "join?" And second...that just sounds really creepy, Karen. Seriously, you have to sell it a bit better than that.

She reads it over and knows she spelled a word wrong but can't figure out which one. So she asks Moosie to tell her, but of course he can't because he's a DAMN STUFFED CAT! So she decides "your" needs "one of those up commas."

Somewhere off camera, Ms. Colman's teaching certification is being revoked. At least, in a perfect world it would be. Maybe it's time she canned the "special announcements" and field trips and actually teach the kids something?

Second Invitation:
"COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
I WILL LET YOU
JOYN MY CLUB.
BRING YOU’RE CAT."

Did Claudia write this? Karen laments it still isn't right, but she thinks it's because it doesn't sound enough like a birthday party invitation. Oh Lord.

Third attempt:
"COME JOYN
THE KITTYCAT CLUB!"

This time the little genius realizes that yellow crayon doesn't show up well on white paper. *sigh*

Fourth Fucking Try:
"COME JOYN
THE KITTYCAT CLUB!"

Okay, other than the really stupid spelling error we're getting better.

More:
"WHEN: TODAY.
TIME: THREE:00.
WHERE: MY HOUSE."

*headdesk*

Karen continues to realize something is wrong but just can't put her finger on it. Is that how you write time? For fuck's sake, Karen! Get an adult! And while you're at it, ask the adult why the hell you skipped a grade.

She didn't want to do it, but she goes to Watson for help and he shows her how to fix it correctly. My mother would've been like 'wait, you're asking other kids to bring their CATS HERE?' and that would've been the end of the Kittycat Club.

Final Edition Where's the Wine?:
"COME JOIN THE KITTYCAT CLUB!

WHEN: TODAY
TIME: 3:00
WHERE: KAREN’S HOUSE
BRING YOUR CAT!!!"

Oh, and Karen explains her questionable spelling choices: "“Who would have thought you spell ‘join’ with an ‘i’?” I asked Moosie. “You spell ‘joy’ with a ‘y,’ and ‘join’ sounds like ‘joy’ with an ‘n.’ Oh, well.”"

Well...that explains it all now, doesn't it? There is indeed something in the water in Stoneybrooke folks, that's the only explanation I can come up with that doesn't make my brain explode.

Oh, and Karen walks the invitations over and puts them in Hannie and Amanda's mailboxes. How did she forget to do that just five books later? Sometimes her logic really makes me scratch my head.



Chapter 7

It's quarter to three and time for Karen to torture Boo Boo. I mean, get ready for her meeting. For some reason she feels it's necessary for the cats to come to every single meeting too. Now, where the hell are the parents? Especially Hannie and Amanda's. Do they NOT notice their kids taking the cats out of the house? If you saw your seven/eight year old taking the cat out of the house wouldn't you at least ask WHY?

Karen bashes Boo Boo again for not being as nice as Pat or as beautiful as Priscilla. Again the rescue momma in me is seething. But she concedes there is one good thing about Boo Boo...he's a cat and without him
she couldn't be a member of her own club! Glad to know the cat has worth only if you get something out of it.

Boo Boo seems to sense something is up and hides himself in the laundry room for a nap. When she finds him, she calls the poor cat an "old fat thing" and then "lugs" him upstairs to her room. Then wonders why he doesn't want to stay there so she has to shut the door. Gee, I WONDER why the cat hates you, Karen.

Hannie arrives and Karen welcomes her to the Kittycat Club. And it still sounds wrong to me. If I overheard that exchange I'd be afraid the girls were playing strip club.

Pat is not afraid of Boo Boo in the least, walking right up and swiping him in the nose. But when Boo Boo swipes back Hannie gets upset. Kids really don't understand how cats work, I think.

Then Amanda arrives with ye holy overpriced cat. Priscilla is a white Persian and groomed to perfection. Karen says Amanda is nice but she talks about her cat too much. Especially the part about the cat costing four hundred dollars. Supposedly this is why Hannie doesn't like her. I gotta agree with Hannie on this one, pointing out how much you paid for something is obnoxious as hell.

Amanda is not happy to be there, it seems, and neither are the cats. As soon as she arrives Boo Boo tries to kill Pat. When Pat tries to run away, Karen screams at her to close the door. May the odds be ever in your favor, Pat, because I think think this shit just went Hunger Games.

Karen tries to tell Hannie and Amanda that the Kittycat Club will be a cat sitting service modeled after the Baby Sitters Club. Am I the only one who wants to see Karen try to force cats into putting on a play and then get mauled within an inch of her life because cats do not work like that? But she can't tell them her plan to get to that happy ending because Amanda and Hannie are freaking out that their cats aren't getting along.

Well, Amanda freaks out because Pat is looking at Priscilla and "going to" bother her. God forbid anyone ruin the sheen on that four hundred dollar coat. There's a three way cat fight and Hannie and Amanda show some common sense by scooping up their cats and heading for the door.

In desperation, Karen appeals to their more base natural and yells out 'don't you want to make a lot of money?'



Chapter 8

Amanda, of course, is all over the idea of making a lot of money. Hannie echos my first thought by asking her if she'll buy another four hundred dollar cat with it. The girls stick tongues out at each other and Karen begs them to sit down and listen to her idea.

This time they keep the cats somewhat seperate, so Karen is able to talk. She starts by regaling them with tales of the almighty Baby Sitters Club. Amanda, hilariously, interupts her wanting to know about their club. Apparently all the kids in Stoneybrook have heard this story. Probably they are told it as soon as they are old enough to comprehend it, right up there with the story of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. If only Kristy were that delightful. Or that made up.

Karen says they're going to do the same thing, feed cats and change the litterbox when the owners go away for a few days. No mentions of solving all the cat's problems or forcing them into talent shows, so it's not really the same thing at all.

They'll hold meetings to wait for calls. And that means advertizing. Hannie thinks they're going to do TV commericals and I wonder briefly if the Papadakises are greek oil tycoons. But Karen decides to go with fliers and tells them people must need cat sitters all the time. So all they have to do is make fliers and they'll be rich.

And now they've become the Underpants Gnomes. Step one..make fliers. Step two..*crickets chirp* Step three..BIG MONEY!

The girls like the idea of big money, but Amanda doesn't want to bring Priscilla to every single meeting. She asks Karen why she has to be there and Karen has no answer for that so she just goes 'well, it's the kittycat Club, that's why!' No, that's the argument for the strippers, Karen. It still doesn't explain the damn cats having to be there.

That night Kristy wants to know how the Kittycat Club is doing, but when Karen tells her they're going to cat-sit and compares it to the BSC, it's time for her to knock her down a few pegs. NO club in Stoneybrook can be as successful sitting ANYTHING as the BSC. PERIOD. Karen, of course, doesn't believe her that the Kittycat Club will be one of the vast majority of businesses that fail.

Ahhh, to be six again.



Chapter 9

The next day there's another meeting of the Kittycat Club (known now as KCC for my sanity) and no one is paying attention to Karen. The cats are chasing each other and Hannie and Amanda are fighting. Which is pretty much what you get when you put three strange cats and two girls who don't like each other in the same room.

Karen wonders what Ms Coleman would do and I thought she was going to make a 'surprising announcement' but instead she just claps her hands to get their attention. And scares the cats.

After a few bitchy looks, Karen states that they must make the fliers so they can make the monies. Which leads into the dicussion of how much to charge. Hannie wants to charge a dollar a day, which Amanda says is too little, so they go to three dollars a day. Then they each earn a whole DOLLAR per day.

I have four cats and I sometimes feel like I deserve a badge of honor for daily litterbox duty, especially if they've been eating dairy or tuna. A dollar doesn't quite cut it. Though I do hope they give Karen the scooping duties.

Setting up meeting times is going to be really tricky, of course, because Karen is only there every other weekend and Amanda goes to a different school. Gee, maybe they should've considered this earlier? Instead they decide to put Hannie's number on there too for an "anytime" contact.

Pedobear alarm: THEY PUT THEIR AGES! ON THE FLIER! WITH THEIR HOME NUMBERS!!!! THAT SHIT WAS NOT SAFE IN THE EIGHTIES EITHER ANN!!!!

*ahem*

After they make a million (in Karen terms, it was really only twelve) fliers, Hannie wants to go home. But Karen needs her ego stroke and decides they need to choose offices. And of course she should be president because the club was her idea.

For once, I'm not going to argue with Karen's logic. But then the little idiot gives them the option to vote on offices, and of course Hannie and Amanda would prefer to vote on it. And of course they all vote for themselves. For each office. This might be why most major corperations are not run by six to eight year olds.

So they decide to draw names out of a box. Put the names in the box, first person is president, second is vice president, leaving secretary to the last name left. Alright, that seems fair enough. Of course Karen doesn't think so, because she doesn't think anyone else deserves to have a chance to be president. SO WHY DID YOU OFFER TO VOTE ON IT, KAREN?

Karma smiles up on Stoneybrook and spares it from Mini K-Ron...Amanda's name is the first out of the box. Karen's is second, making her vice president. Hannie gets stuck with secretary, which is sort of a shitty job if they except a seven year old to keep files on the cat's favorite kitty treats and what behavioral problems the KCC will need to solve for their clients.

Amanda is pysched, of course, but Karen is a megapissed. Gee, who didn't see that one coming? The club was her idea, dammit! A good argument if you hadn't opened up the idea of voting, Brewer. Karen says they didn't vote for anyone but themselves, so it was no good. But Amanda will only stay in the club if she can be the president.

Karen tricks her, saying that she can stay president if Karen will be the one to run the meetings. Because really, president is only good if you get all the attention and make all the decisions. Otherwise it's just an office.

Amanda agrees and they go to deliver fliers, no doubt imaging how they'll spend all the money they're about to make. *snicker*



Chapter 10

The Kittycat Club distributes their fliers and Karen reassures them that they will be cat sitters very soon. I try to keep my snickering down to a reasonable level as Karen is then carted off to the little house. But not before pointing out that she knows all about running a business because Kristy told her about the BSC. Oh geez.

Lisa and Seth are very skeptical about this cat sitting thing and Lisa flat out tells Karen not to get her hopes up. Which Karen doesn't even hear because she's daydreaming about everyone in Watson's neighborhood being on vacation and needing cat sitters, giving the KCC lots of business and leaving the girls filthy rich. Well, those are surely realistic expectations. There's no way she'll be sorely disappointed within a week if she's going into it with that sort of mindset.

The next day, Karen accousts Hannie the moment she gets to school. But we don't get an explantion of why she's screaming for Hannie so she can explain to us that she has two best friends and it's very confusing because they're both in the same class with her. Um...how is this confusing? I have three best friends. It does make me Mare Three-Three nor does it boggle my mind they're all on my Facebook. For someone was ADHD as Karen you'd think she'd have multitasking down a bit better.

Karen wants to know if they got any sitting jobs and Hannie awesomely point out she could've said hello first. So she says 'hello' and immediately asks Hannie again. I'm laughing that Hannie thinks Karen is going to actually develop manners. FAT CHANCE!

The next day she pounces on Hannie (and even calls it that) the moment she sees her. She's upset that the Kitty Cat Club isn't working after two days. And that makes me sort of shake my head because wow...didn't she learn that not everything happens at once? But she's got bigger problems. Nancy overheard her mention the club and she wants to know all about it. And, more importantly, how her best friend could start a club without her.

Ah, to be six again. Your friends don't have an obligation to invite you to every club they create if you don't share the interest, Nancy. But I do think it's ridiculous that Karen isn't letting Nancy in the club on prinicipal she doesn't have a cat. It's not a club for cat owners, it's a club for cat SITTERS and you don't need a cat to sit for one. Couldn't Kristy have brought this up to Karen and tell her about when Jessi sat for all sorts of animals she didn't have at the Mancusi's?

Karen feels awful. Of course, when she says why she feels awful she puts not getting a cat sitting call in two days ahead of hurting Nancy's feelings. In fact, Nancy's feelings are third, because second is Nancy being mad at HER, which takes a back seat to hurting Nancy. Definitely someone I'd want my kid being best friends with for sure.


Chapter 11

The next day there's no jobs again. Karen is about to freak out until Nancy comes into the classroom and then she starts talking loudly about how they'll have jobs very soon for sure. She doesn't want Nancy to think she's upset or there's anything wrong with the club she's keeping her out of for an assnine reason. Um...why would Nancy give two fucks about your club, Karen? You won't let her in, remember? Oh wait...I'm sure in Karen's mind she figures that Nancy's entire reason for living is now going to be getting into her club. Because whatever Karen does, everyone wants to be a part of. *eyeroll*

On Thrusday morning, Hannie tells Karen the moment she sits down on the swing beside her they don't have any cat sitting calls. Karen wonders how she knew that was what was she was going to ask. Maybe because you pounce on her without even a hello and demand an answer every single day? If I was Hannie, I wouldn't speak to her until she greeted me like a real person, not an answering machine, but I don't think seven year olds are at that level of etiquette yet. At least Karen is definitely not.

Nancy sits down on the swing on the other side of Karen and asks about the Kittycat Club. Karen talks aboout how much fun they're having and how they're about to get a whole bunch of sitting jobs so they can make the big money. Which is really shitty when you consider she's keeping Nancy out of the club on a stupid technicality that has nothing to do with her cat sitting ablities. If seven year olds even HAVE cat sitting ablities.

On Friday, Karen gets to school first. She actually tells Hannie "good morning" for a change, but alas, no sitting job for them yet. I'll be honest...at this point six year old me would've had enough of that shit and moved on to something else. But this is Karen, so she calls Hannie on Saturday since it's a little house weekend. When she finds out there's no sitting jobs, she promises to call Amanda to tell her the bad news. Does that mean she's been calling Amanda every day after school to give her the same news? Now we know why the Delaneys move away!


Chapter 12

The doorbell rings and Karen runs to the door screaming that she'll get it. She tell us she loves answering the doorbell. If I was Lisa, I'd hope it was a gypsy looking for a child to buy. Instead it's just Nancy. And she looks sort of sad. Gee, I wonder what that's about? Karen is obviously very bad at drawing conclusions because she invites Nancy to her room.

Immediately Nancy asks to be in the Kittycat Club. She even throws in a "puh-lease?" to show how desperate she is. Oh honey, you can do so much better than begging Karen. Ten years from now you're going to look back at this and wonder why you were ever friends with her, I promise.

Karen says she feels bad and she really wants to let Nancy join the club but she can't. Um...why not? Do you really think Amanda and Hannie are going to give two flying fucks that she doesn't have a cat? This kid really gets hung up on her self imposed rules. It's funny when she drives herself into major angst over it, but it's sad when she makes her best friend feel like shit.

Nancy's solution is to tart a new Kittycat Club and she'll let Karen be president. This is a tempting offer, of course, because Karen's ego loves to be fed. But there's already one Kittycat Club. So she decides to decline the highly attractive offer and says no, she can't do that. The only way to get into the Kittycat Club is to have a cat, of which Nancy has none.

Nancy wants to borrow Goosie. Ever the anal retentative dictator, Karen clarifies that it must be a real cat like Boo Boo or Priscilla. It's the club rule. SINCE WHEN? There has been NO MENTION of club rules thus far! Hilariously, Nancy gets mad at this and spikes Goosie on Karen's bed like a stuffed kitty, red striped shirt wearing football. She is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, Karen Brewer!

Nancy shouts the club is stupid because they haven't gotten a single job. Karen wants to know why she wants to be in it, then, and honestly this is sort of a good point. But she doesn't let Nancy answer because then she has to tell her she's "gigundo stupid." Oh Lord...that word. I was afraid, when I was in the middle of reading the series, that I would slip up and use that word in public. Dibbly fresh is one thing, but gigundo....no. Not from my lips. To be honest, I don't even know how to pronounce it anyways and given my track record on pronunciation, I would slip up in public only for it to be in front of another BSC fan who would correct me on how it's pronounced.

(Seriously, it's a running joke with my family and friends about me going around mispronouncing words for years before someone finally corrects me and I'm all 'THAT'S how you pronounce it??!!?')

This is too cute to not share straight from the text:

'“Am not. And good-bye. I’m leaving. We are not best friends anymore.”

“Forever?” I asked. I could feel tears in my eyes.

“No, just until Monday,” replied Nancy. “Good-bye.”'

Oh, to be in first grade again!


Chapter 13

Monday...Karen asks Hannie if there's any sittings jobs. There are none. Karen asks if Nancy wants to spilt a piece of gum, Nancy says maybe. They do later.

Tuesday...Karen asks Hannie if there's any sittings jobs. There are none. Karen asks Nancy to come over to the Little House. She say she'll think about it. And she does.

Wednesday...I ask myself why I let a snow storm come with no alcohol in the house and check my hiding spot for one of the beers I like. There is none. But the Kittycat Club DID get their first sitting job!

Wonders of wonders, miracles of miracles! Someone is going to let Karen take care of a cat!

Apparently a Ms Werner needs someone to feed her cat, Kibble, when she goes on vacation. I guess you can name a cat after what it eats, but I don't think it would work for dogs. 'Assorted Roadkill in a Can' just doesn't have the same ring to it as 'Kibble.'

For all the anticipation for over a week and a half, when Karen finds out about the job, she doesn't know what to do. Hannie has to tell her that someone will go talk to Mrs Werner that afternoon and it has to be Karen because she and Amanda are busy. Was Karen not paying attention when Kristy was talking about how the BSC works? I mean, I'm sure she's heard the story a million times, but this is the one time she should've paid attention.

Plans made, Karen jumps around screaming like an idiot until Nancy comes into the classroom and wants to know what's going on. Of course she has to gush about how the Kittycat Club got their first job. Nice...just twist that knife in her heart a bit more, Lil' K-Ron.

Karen's not sure how she's going to feed Mrs. Werner's cat when she lives on Watson's street and she's at the Little House rest of the week. Just because Hannie and Amanda are busy that afternoon doesn't mean they're going to be busy every single second, but I'm sure Karen wants the glory of the first job for herself.

Another worry is if Lisa will drive Karen there, but she does. Because Karen told her it was really, really, really important. But Lisa says she can't drive her over there for every feeding so Hannie and Amanda will have to help. Common sense points to Lisa!

Oops, spoke too soon. *sigh* Lisa knows Mrs Werner and says she's very nice so Karen may go to the job alone. She's six years old. In my opinion, that's a little too young to go by herself to a neighbor's house unless the parents are really, really familair with that person.

But this is Stoneybrooke, the Mayberry of New England, so Karen goes and Mrs Werner really is an adorable old woman. Who is totally shocked when Karen introduces herself as the cat sitter. She thinks the flier says the girls are sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen. And that their names are Katie Bower, Hannah Papaddy and Amelia Delaine.

Karen explains her mistake and once Mrs. Werner puts her glasses on, she can see that she read the flier wrong. So...why didn't you put your glasses on to read it before you called? I've worn glasses or contacts since I was nine, I know what I can't see and I wouldn't, say, drive and back into a parked car and THEN put my glasses on to see what I'd already hit.

Karen asks if she still wants her to feed Kibble, but Mrs Werner says she wanted someone older. Scraping her pride off the ground, she says if she meets someone older she'll tell them about the job. Then she goes to her Mommy's car and cries.

When she calls Hannie, she cries a second time. But instead of thinking it's not going to work, she calls for a meeting of the club that Saturday. Because it's going to be VERY IMPORTANT. *headdesk* Karen...take a fucking hint!



Chapter 14

Karen loves Fridays! Please don't tell me she's going to write a song and perform it on youtube. PLEASE! And she especially loves Fridays she goes back to the Big House. Oh Lord...that's what the song could be about! SOMEONE GET THIS THOUGHT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!

The maturity Karen showed at Mrs. Werner's house has died over the last forty-eight hours. Now she's thinking of her as "old Mrs Werner" and internally snarking that it's not her fault the woman needs glasses. And that her cat is stupid. She's a great cat sitter, dammit! She feeds Boo Boo and Rocky all the time! Of course, she forgets that there are adults around that can make sure she doesn't feed too much or forget a feeding.

The kids run inside and Karen shouts her arrival, throwing her backpack down. Andrew says nothing and sets his backpack down carefully. Guess who's invited to my house and who isn't?

David Michael caught a big spider and Andrew wants to see it. So they run off to practice being entomologists. Karen announces she has to inspect. Apparently every time she gets to the Big House she has to make sure everyone is in order and everything is in place. Where else would it be?

Thankfully she stops once she gets to the kitchen to help Watson and Elizabeth make dinner or else we'd have a Super Special #7 "Karen and the Invasion of Privacy." Oh wait...that's half of this series. My bad!

As she mixes up veggies for the salad, she thinks about the Kittycat Club and wonders why they hadn't gotten any jobs. Did everyone throw away their fliers? No, Karen, it's because you're too damn young to responsible for another living thing without adult supervision. For someone that's lauded as being so smart, she's awful dense sometimes.

Elizabeth reassures Karen she kept the flier, but when asked if she would hire them to sit Boo Boo, she gives Watson a Look. Karen points out that adults seem not to realize kids actually notice when they do that, which is sort of clever. Then Elizabeth explains they'd need a pet sitter, not just a cat sitter if they went away. And people don't normally need cat sitters that often.

Of course, that goes over Karen's head, but at least she doesn't decide to open the DoggyStyle Sitting Service or something in tandem to the Kittycat Club.


Chapter 15

Hannie and Amanda come for the meeting and they have their cats again. Boo Boo starts growling the moment he sees Pat and Priscilla. Our genius child Karen tells them to hurry up and close the door instead of realizing there is impending doom when cats death howl like that.

Hannie announces she wants to be president, but Amanda won't even look at her as she reminds her that she's the president. Bitch. Karen, however, is more worried that people think they're too young to cat sit. And that some people need their dogs sat for too.

But Hannie just repeats she wants to be president. Karen is all 'were you not listening to me?' and now she knows how other people feel when they deal with her. All three girls sigh and one of the cats sighs with them for good measure.

Amanda wants to go home because nothing ever happens, but Karen convinces her to stay just in case they get a job. Amanda is rightly skeptical but stays, and no doubt regrets it when she doesn't need to buy any light bulbs or fertlizer their one caller is selling.

Hannie pipes up for the third time she wants to be president and Amanda tells her to shut up. I'm with Amanda on this one. Apparently Karen and Andrew are not supposed to say 'shut up.' But slandering their neighbor is fine? Nice standards.

Then Boo Boo takes a chunk out of Priscilla's tail, which is no doubt insured for a hundred dollar, and Amanda freaks out. She demands Karen get her dirty, old cat away from her beautiful one. Instead, Karen tells her to GTFO. Hannie too. They're not getting called and her friends are being annoying bitches. MEETING ADJOURNED.

Tongues are stuck out and cats are scooped up to be taken home. Then Karen tells Boo Boo to go away too. He tears out of the room, no doubt hoping Midnight might let him sleep over next door until the brat goes away again.


Chapter 16

Karen is angry and tries to figure out how to deal with it. She stands up and sits down. She picks Moosie up and puts him back down. Then she picks up a shoe and throws it across the room. In my house, the next action would be my mother coming in and grounding me for trying to destroy the house. But this the Big House, so the only person that appears is Kristy, ready to solve Karen's problems.

After she comes, Karen says she THINKS she threw the shoe on purpose because she needed Kristy. First off, THINK means she's trying to justify the shoe throwing. And that is NOT how you call someone in a different part of the house. You go find them. Or if they're on a different floor you stand at the stairs and scream for them. At least that's how it works in my house.

Kristy knows something is wrong because she saw Hannie and Amanda stomp out. Karen admits they're all mad and they aren't getting any jobs. Plus they can't decide who should be president. And the cats fight. Basically, everything is a mess.

....and why does this surprise Karen? I knew it was doomed from the start on the simple principals that seven year olds do not do business well and Hannie and Amanda hate each other.

Kristy tells her that there's clubs that are just for fun and clubs that are businesses. And...I've never heard of a club that was a business other than the BSC, but okay, I'll give her that since she's being sane. Though when she says you have to know what you're doing to make money...did the BSC know what they were doing the first few books? Or ever.

Karen admits she made mistakes and hell freezes over. She asks Kristy for a low down on why it didn't work. This is sort of obvious, but again...not that many people need cat sitters, they're too young to do it anyway, and Hannie and Amanda hate each other.

Then Kristy admits she knew the club was doomed from the beginning but decided to let Karen find out on her own because she wouldn't have listened anyway. Obviously Kristy's got this kid's number...at least for this book. She'll forget by the time the fifth one starts.


Chapter 17

Karen calls Hannie and Amanda and asks them to come over sans cats. As she waits for them, she asks herself why DID they bring the cats to the meetings? Yes, Karen, WHY? Especially after the first meeting didn't go well. And why didn't she let Nancy in it? Because you like to feel superior, I'm guessing, and consider your self imposed rules too important to break because of your egomaniac tendencies.

Hannie and Amanda come and all three girls are very serious. Karen starts to explain to them the club isn't a good idea and it's not going to work. She tells them what Kristy told her, then adds she never decided if it was a club or a sitting business. And then she apologizes.

Hannie demands to know why she's sorry and I like to think she's not that dense, she just wants to make sure Karen knows what she did wrong. She's sorry for being mad and making them bring their cats to the meetings, adding she hopes Priscilla's tail will be okay. Oh for fuck's sake, hair grows back!

Amanda, of course, makes a big deal out of it. First saying she guesses it'll be okay, but it looks a little bare. But it isn't bleeding. And if it was bleeding..well...Karen would be up shit creek without a paddle. Thankfully Karen interupts the wah wah fest before it gets anymore sickening.

She says they have to end the club. Amanda says they should just leave her room and go home. Karen internally snarks Amanda has no imagination because SHE wants a ceremony. Oh Lord...

Hannie whispers an idea to Karen, and Karen gets a silver wand from the dress up box. Then she declares the wand is magic and it's secret powers for Amanda to make her un-vice president and Hannie un-secretary. But if she thinks Mrs. Porter is doing magic with herbs, she's ready to break out the rack and stocks. Nice double standard there.

Amanda touches them each with the wand and the Kittycat Club is over. I know three kitties that are ready to break out the catnip with that happy news.


Chapter 18

After Hannie and Amanda leave, Karen sits in her room with her toys, which include nineteen stuffed animals and seven dolls. Only seven? I had that many Barbies alone, and my Daddy was a plant manager, not a real live millionaire.

I guess she's feeling a bit down about the Kittycat club's demise and is trying to make me suffer along with her having to read about her annoying behavior. First she makes noises, then she tries to make herself cry, and she finds out she can make herself sneeze by rubbing the top of her nose.

Thankfully Kristy calls to ask if she's getting a cold and Karen stops doing it so no one will give her medicine. But the self pity fest rages on. She tries to think of a sad song, but her "feelings, woah woah feelings" reminds me more of the music they play when they put you on hold over the phone.

Then she succumbs to insanity and starts talking to Moosie. Somehow she ends up in tears over the thought of the song 'does you chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost over night' because it's so sad, you guys! Losing the flavor of your gum! Oh my God! Why is there not a telethon for this?!!?

She rocks Moosie and sits him upside down so his smile is a frown. Then she turns a doll upside. Soon she's got half of her animals upside down. Then she's laughing because it's the silliest thing she's ever done.

Seriously, that's the silliest thing she's ever done in almost seven years of being Karen? HA! By the time I was three I had her totally beat...when my Mom was on the phone I stripped naked and covered myself head to toe in Vaseline because a TV commerical said it made your skin soft. It also does not come off with water, as my mother soon found out.

Gee, having fun is so much better than having a club. But...didn't Kristy say that some clubs were just for fun? No Karen! Don't do it! RESIST!


Chapter 19

Of course Karen can't resist and she's going to start another club. At least she has enough sense not to run over to Hannie's and ask her to start it with her. Instead she wants to call someone else.

But Sam is in the kitchen and she can't make the call in front of him. And David Michael and Andrew have managed to sneak in some TV time to watch a movie when Kristy isn't there to demonize the invention of television and force them into a talent show to remove the taint of TV from their young minds.

So Karen asks Elizabeth to use the phone in her and Watson's room. Remeber when that was a big deal, using your parent's room to make special calls? Ahhh, the 80's. Anyway, she calls Nancy and they act like two seven year old girls for a bit.

Then Karen apologizes and Nancy brings up that she didn't understand why she had to have a cat to be in the damn club. Karen says she wasn't thinking, which is the understatement of the century. But Nancy still can't join because the KCC is deader than disco.

But Karen wants to start a club just for fun, with no rules and no president and everyone can join. She'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, I guess she's trying to say. But I don't think her ego can take not being stroked for this idea long term, which is maybe why we'll only hear about this club for a half dozen more books before it falls into the plot hole abyss.

They're going to call it the 'Fun Club'. Well, at least it doesn't sound like a strip club this time. Or a sex store. That's improvement.


Chapter 20

Karen is stressing out majorly and asking her mother every twenty seconds if anyone will come to the first meeting of the Fun Club. Lisa is getting sick of this shit real fast, but keeps telling her yes, they will come. If you build it, they will come. And hopefully when they leave, they will take you with them.

Just a day after telling everyone at school about the Club, they're having their first meeting. Andew wants to know what they're going to do and Karen immediately tells him he's too young to play with them. Then she has to remember there's no rules for joining so says he can. Just proving the leopard can't change its spots...

Obviously Nancy and Hannie do come. And Amanda even comes though she's not in Karen's class. Four other girls from school come that we never hear from again: Heather, Nina, Kim and Vicky. Apparently after an afternoon with Karen they begged their parents to switch schools so they could avoid her club.

Eight girls plus Andrew! Realizing he's in the company of nothing but older girls, Andy blows the joint before any of them turn into cougars.

They put a play first, a production of Cinderella with just Lisa watching. Then they make heads for puppets. The bodies will come the next meeting, which I guess is the hook to keep them coming back again.

Then they lay on the floor and tell jokes...and I refuse to repeat them because my humor is more apprecitve of things like MST3K and George Carlin than knock knock.

Everyone goes home and Karen and Nancy bask in the warm of glow of the impending success of their club. Which will never get more than a slight mention for a few more books, because this whole damn series is Karen going from one idea or scheme to the next.



Up Next: #5 Karen's School Picture (THE FINAL REPOST!!!!)
LinkReply

Comments:
From: (Anonymous)
2014-06-19 03:51 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Guess who's invited to my house and who isn't?

I know! It's a trick question! Neither, because they're both fictional characters!
[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-20 01:24 am (UTC)

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Oh come on, have a sense of imagination here. :P It's called "suspension of disbelief" and it's the integral part to enjoying books, movies and TV shows.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-20 01:36 am (UTC)

(Link)

Seriously, there seems to be a influx of rude anonymous comments these days. It's getting pretty tiring.
[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-20 02:14 am (UTC)

(Link)

I noticed. >.<

I hope this doesn't start getting like tumblr with the anons. I've been taking a break from that site and part of it is for that reason. If you want to say something nasty to me, have the balls to come off anon first.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-20 02:26 am (UTC)

(Link)

My first snark (Boy Crazy Stacey) had some anonymous comments attacking me for my comments on how Stacey was setting back the women's movement. Those comments have since been deleted, because I'm not dealing with that crap, but it was jarring. I might post up a rant about it soon.

That's one of my first thoughts when I see rude anonymous comments, too-- that if you're going to be rude and insulting, at least create an account and do it.

I don't have a tumblr, but that sounds awful.
[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-20 02:50 am (UTC)

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They were being nasty about Stacey acting like it was a grand privelidge to get sodas (FREE sodas that her employers paid for, not him) for a guy who doesn't give a single shit about her being a NEGATIVE thought pattern? God, that does set the woman's movement back. *headdesk*

Tumblr can be really fun for fandom, though I find the lack of conversation a draw back. However, the anon hate is a constant thing you have to deal with. People will be total shit heads to you for no reason other than that they can put on an anon mask and no one will ever know. I'm going to start using it again soon, but not as much as I did before this break. Fandom and doll/toy collecting are things I do to escape real world stress, not add to it.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-20 03:06 am (UTC)

(Link)

It was shocking and baffling. I almost wish I'd said something.

Anonymous commenters are annoying. The only thing that's good is taking comfort in the fact that they're giant cowards.
[User Picture]From: author_by_night
2014-06-21 02:53 am (UTC)

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I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. If you notice any nasty comments, please feel free to let me or one of the other mods know - we definitely don't tolerate that here.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-21 03:15 am (UTC)

(Link)

Thank you. I'll definitely do that!
[User Picture]From: author_by_night
2014-06-21 02:50 am (UTC)

(Link)

This is a snark community, meaning people make jokes and observations about the books and its characters. You are certainly welcome to offer your own input, but please refrain from being rude to other members, and do consider the purpose of this community.

Thank you,

author_by_night, bsc_snark mod
[User Picture]From: undeadnicole
2014-06-27 08:29 pm (UTC)

Love it! :D

(Link)

I'm loving your LS snark. Can't wait for more!

Oh and as a matter of fact, this:

"The kids run inside and Karen shouts her arrival, throwing her backpack down. Andrew says nothing and sets his backpack down carefully. Guess who's invited to my house and who isn't?"

was one of my favorite bits. Definitely Andrew! I would so have Andrew over, give him milk and cookies and build Lego stuff with him. Because he's polite and adorable and deserves a break from his obnoxious, demonspawn sister. I'd also let him hang out with my hedgehogs... he could brag to Karen about it later. (Because hedgies HATE loud noises and sudden movements so they'd love him and they'd huff at Karen. :D )


[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-28 12:42 am (UTC)

Re: Love it! :D

(Link)

Thank you! I'm about to post another one right now! XD And yeah, I would take Andrew as my little brother in a heartbeat. I bet my Min Pin would even like him and normally Marty loathes children,lol.
[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-28 11:25 pm (UTC)

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Even in the 80's, Kitty Kat Club meant one thing...

Kids don't need more than 2 pairs of jeans. They outgrow them so fast! My kid has 1 or 2 pairs that fit at any given time. Even at Goodwill (plus tax) prices, we're looking at close to $10 per pair. For jeans she might get a season of wear out of before they're too big. I'd rather just do laundry on the weekends. She, like the rest of us, can wear a pair of jeans a few times between washings.

This book was just another excuse for Karen to be a brat.
[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-29 10:07 pm (UTC)

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I didn't think of that. >.< I had maybe two or three pairs for school and a half dozen pairs for home/play that were in varying stages of ruin, lol. I think why it strikes me funny is in the BSC books they're always all "Watson is a REAL LIVE millionaire" and he can't get his kid more than two pairs of jeans. But what you said makes a lot of sense. :)
[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-30 12:52 am (UTC)

(Link)

We don't separate school and play clothes. We let our daughter play in her dresses and almost everything else. :) Since we get her high quality jeans, her jeans last longer than she fits them. If she ends up tearing something beyond mending, then we'll replace, but we don't buy several pairs just to have several. She's also got khaki pants, and tons of skirts and dresses since those are what last longest. A long skirt becomes a slightly shorter skirt. She had some of those she's worn for 2-3 years.

I'm not sure if Watson knows what kids even need. His idea of parenting is to dump the kids on Kristy and Nanny, and even on vacation, other people watch his kids. Kristy is the one who tucks them in at night! Maybe he's in the 50's mindset where boys usually had a couple pairs of pants and three shirts, which mixed into enough variety for the week between weekend wash loads.