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Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest! - Dawn Saves the Planet Part 1! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Dissecting the unintentional hilarity of The Baby-sitters Club.

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Dawn Saves the Planet Part 1! [Jun. 18th, 2014|12:53 am]
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Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for doing things for the planet. I recycle. I turn off faucets and lights. I've donated to wildlife and animal funds. That said, I still hate Dawn. And her stupid attitude just makes me want to punch a whale in the face. And I love whales! Also, this book had two ghosties. It took two people to write this schlock. Half of it is stupid kid antics and the other half is Dawn being a sanctimonious sea hag. I just want to bury her and see if she's biodegradable.


Chapter 1
Right from the beginning I'm laughing my ass off. Dawn is such a little chipper chipmunk brown noser. She's in class and her token Mexican teacher asks if they think kids can save the planet. Dawn says everyone else sat there like lumps but she raised her hand and shouted 'Yes! Of course!' Will someone drive a zamboni over this girl? Dawn, kids cannot save the world, they're kids. They can grow up and get into fields that help the Earth but as kids they can really do fuck all.

The exposition! What a show! The exposition! Here we go! I bet you're wishing that we'd go away! The exposition's here and it's here to stay! So during this role call of shit we already know, Dawn mentions that Mary Anne dresses preppy, in pleated skirts and blouses. So...exactly like Janine. So why the fuck is it okay for one and not both? Is there a rabid hypocrisy tag? She also says that her and Sharon's diet make them feel better than the meat eating plebs of the world. No Dawn, it just makes you think you're better than us bloodmouths. She also says that if MA was in the class with her she would have said-'“I agree with Dawn. We can save the planet if we all pull together.”' Riiiggghht. Mary Anne would totally speak up in class with her crippling social anxiety just to say you're right. Do you think Dawn and Kristy's egos get in fights over who is the most overblown? Like the Katayanagi twins battle in Scott Pilgrim?

Mrs. Gonzalez asks Dawn to read off things that are harmful to the Earth. Dawn wrinkles her nose when she reads 'Too much garbage' and I'm kinda with her. I do the same when I read 'penis'. You know, we never covered any of this in my science class. We covered you know, science. Well, when we weren't watching movies that had nothing to do with science. It occurs to me that we watched a lot of movies that had nothing educational about them. I hate to think how dumb I would be if I didn't study things on my own. Probably as dumb as a BSC member.

Mrs. G gives them their assignment in that they have to take a subject off the board and what they can do to help the planet. Gee, do you think that Dawn's project will involve a million screaming kids? Ugh, delayed club exposition. We do get a Stacey outfit though-'floral leggings, a pink shirt with big sleeves, and a long vest covered in antique pins. A black fedora with a red doth [sic] rose' How very...90s. I never watched Blossom growing up but I think I can safely say that outfit is very Blossom. Blah blah blah, yak yak yak. Claudia calls the hot lunch 'The Green Slime' and do you think anyone at Scholastic knew that was an actual movie? It was even on MST3k. Naw, they're not that cool.

Chapter 2
Standard Chapter 2-iness. I do catch that Dawn says Emily Michelle is a total doll and I laugh hard enough to injure my spleen because, God! That's exactly what the poor kid is. Just a stupid band-aid baby doll. Not that EM is stupid. I meant her 'parents' are.

Chapter 3
Dawn sits at the Barretts and Mrs. B says they can have crackers for a snack. That just makes me think of this. Dawn starts shoving her ecomania down their throats by giving them a Marine World sticker book. So I take it Dawn's never seen Blackfish. She talks about how dolphins get trapped in tuna nets and how smart and important they are. So I take she doesn't know that dolphins can kinda be assholes.
dolphin
-Yeah, tell them about this, Schafer-

Dawn gets the kids all riled up about saving the dolphins and telling them to write to tuna companies saying they won't eat their dolphin filled tuna. Because a tuna CEO is totally gonna take kids seriously. Also didn't it turn out that dolphin safe tuna was a big lie and they still kill lots of dolphins? Or was that something I read on SCP?

She takes them to the kitchen and they clip the rings on a can holder and separate the recyclables. She also says to wash and reuse sandwich bags and come on, no one does that. And they're all so precocious and golly gee I think I now have diabetes. Better not eat those Oreos I bought then because a BSC book made me crave them.

Getting the Barretts thinking ecologically gets the wheels spinning in her head and she thinks, 'Oh, wow! I can get kids into saving the planet for my project!' I for one am completely shocked that she thought this up! A BSC member thinking to involve kids?! How novel! What a twist! In another shocking twist she calls Stacey and says they should ask to work together even though they are in separate classes.

Chapter 4
They got permission to do the project together and squee and hug in the hall and two boys nudge each other and smirk at them. Did Ann just just make a guys like girl on girl action joke? So they go to Stacey's house and start planning what their kids class should do. There's a bunch of boring talk about things to do and people to call and I had a long day and this isn't helping my sleepiness. Man, before Dawn turns into a raging butt beast this book is boring!

Chapter 5
It's their first 'Kids Care' class and it's annoying. The kids have these overblown 'Oh, mercy me!' attitudes about pollution that just make me roll my eyes. Also, it manages to make me hate Karen in a very roundabout way when someone says something about ghosts and Andrew gets scared and says he doesn't like ghosts. Do you think it's because his stupid little bully of a sister never shuts up about their house being haunted? Even when she doesn't say anything, I hate Karen.

They talk some about recycling and bury biodegradable and non-biodegradable stuff. They also say they're going to have a Green Fair at the end of the classes Suzi says 'Green fairies?' and I laugh because absinthe. If I could I'd be seeing some green fairies right now. And guys, I swear the saccharine levels in this chapter are near fatal. They're all but patting the kids on the head and saying 'You little scamps! Hu hu hu hu! Now do you know why wecycling is so important?' Blegh.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: cassandraclue
2014-06-18 07:33 pm (UTC)

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This is my absolute least favorite BSC book. Ugh.
[User Picture]From: joykilldrama
2014-06-18 08:47 pm (UTC)

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I think this is everyone's least favorite BSC book.
[User Picture]From: shatisarockgod
2014-06-19 12:03 am (UTC)

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At this point I know I'm beating a dead horse into the ground. Dawn's Big Date. Do I have to give the reason?
[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 11:15 pm (UTC)

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It's pretty bad but I think I dislike Mary Anne's Make-over or Dawn's Wicked Stepsister more. You'll notice that all three of those involve Dawn being a massive bitch.
[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-19 06:32 am (UTC)

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This one has Dawn being a sanctimonious bitch though, and basically bitching about OUR lives.
[User Picture]From: joykilldrama
2014-06-19 09:13 am (UTC)

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Another of my least favorites is Dawn and the School Spirit War. There are actually very few Dawn books I actually like.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-18 09:52 pm (UTC)

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I think that, one of these days, Dawn will eventually give these kids a graphic description of how animals are slaughtered for meat every time they eat a burger. She's the worst.
[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 11:07 pm (UTC)

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I quite agree, Dawn is the worst.
[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-19 12:09 am (UTC)

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Yep! She needs to get off her high horse and/or get her head out of her ass.
From: (Anonymous)
2014-06-19 02:06 am (UTC)

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Some people reuse their sandwich bags...like me....just because Dawn suggests it doesn't mean it's a bad idea.

But I will agree that she becomes an eco-Nazi in this book.
[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-19 06:33 am (UTC)

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Better idea: Reusable containers meant to be reused, and then recycled when they've been melted on a burner or something and can't be used again.
[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-20 12:54 am (UTC)

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I wasn't saying it as since its Dawn's idea it's a bad one. I meant it that it's more work then it's worth. Like anabellabobellasaid, they rip easy and there's other containers you can use. Not many people would go through the hassle of rewashing and reusing sandwich bags.
[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-19 06:31 am (UTC)

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I am a bonafind member of the Ian Somerhalder Foundation, donate to environmental causes, founded an environmental club in high school, recycle like crazy to the point that I have friends who have accused me of being stupid about it ("Why recycle cans if there are no deposits?" Um, because why throw them out, especially when my complex has mixed recycling which means we don't even have to separate paper from glass from all else?), I reuse fabric from old clothes as washcloths or quilt fabric, we cloth-diapered, cloth-wiped, and I had cloth menstrual pads for the lighter days, and would family-cloth if I could get my husband on board. And I do ALWAYS cut up the rings from soda holders. Those things are extremely dangerous left whole.

Yet Dawn still drove me up the wall in this one.

I had an environmental biology class that covered this stuff, but not standard classes.

Try washing out a plastic sandwich bag. Those suckers rip! We have plastic sandwich containers that are reusable, and use plastic baggies for when plastic containers just isn't going to work.

[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-20 12:58 am (UTC)

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Right, everything she's saying is important and things people should be doing. But her attitude just really turns people off and they want nothing to do with it. She doesn't seem to realise that being a naggy little harpy is not going to get people on your side.
[User Picture]From: weekend_junky
2014-07-23 07:31 am (UTC)

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She also says to wash and reuse sandwich bags and come on, no one does that.
My dad totally does that.