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Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest! - Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies Part The End! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Dissecting the unintentional hilarity of The Baby-sitters Club.

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Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies Part The End! [Jun. 16th, 2014|11:44 pm]
Baby-sitters Club Snark-fest!

bsc_snark

[road_baby]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |Corner of Baseline and 5th]
[Current Mood |mental]
[Current Music |The Bioshock Song-Brentalfloss]

Since Cabby is sleeping in my spot, I can't lay down and go to sleep even though I'm going out tomorrow and can't oversleep. Plus I'm listening to music and keep telling myself 'Just one more song'. I feel like I need to tell my therapist about this. 'You don't understand! They think eggs can feel! They think they're alive!' Anyway, let's finish this crap up!

Part 1!

Part 2!


Chapter 11
Would you rather have a recap of Mal and Dawn's sitting for the Pikes and them wanting egg babies and wasting food or would you rather have a stupid fitting gif? I'll assume the latter.
catch

Chapter 12
In modern living class and Shawna Riverson (the idiot with the wedding cake toppers) wants a divorce. She says it's not working out and everyone but MA and Logan snicker. Because they're the only ones stupid enough to take this seriously. Shawna says her 'husband' Miles dumps all the care for their stupid egg on her. And when she says she almost left it home and had to go back for it, MA takes this to mean she cares about her egg. No, Mary Anne, she cares about her grade. Only you and the BSC think it's a real baby.

Another couple named Angela and Kevin raise their hand and Angela is crying. It turns out they lost their egg at the park. How a fucking egg made it out of a fucking closed cookie tin I have no idea. And how it got far enough from said container that it couldn't be found I also have no idea. What the Hell kinda eggs are these that they keep escaping their containers?! Do we really have to add eggs to things Ann knows nothing about?! Eggs are not known for their mobility! Also as an Angela I'm insulted. I would not weep over a damn egg. I would be upset about failing and even then not really. Why are Angelas in these books either dumb or a bitch?

After class MA and Logan talk about how they're not the only ones with problems. MA goes to get their egg and Logan is like 'nope' even though he has gym so he's not even going to be watching the damn thing. God, Mary Anne, just dump him already! He obviously doesn't respect you! He actually thinks he'll do a better job while running around a basketball court than you would just sitting at home. Kick his ass to the curb!

Chapter 13
Another sitting job at the Salem's and excuse me while I scream into Jynxie's belly. MA actually says she will only have to deal with two babies. You fucking idiot. AN EGG IS NOT A BABY!! You don't need to take caring for it to that extreme! If you were smart, Mary Anne, you would take your experience with the twins and use it to write up what you did for your egg. But no! You play pretend with a damned food product so hard that you think it's an actual living, breathing, attention needing baby, you stupid fuck-wit.

I'm seriously skimming right now because I don't give a fuck about babies. Especially when they're screaming and snot covered. MA actually has so much trouble with them she calls Dawn for help. This just screams to me that these girls shouldn't be sitting infants.

Chapter 14
At the Spier-Schafer house everyone is exhausted and they miss a phone call because no one wants to get up. Dawn says maybe someone was calling to leave them and island and brilliant Mary Anne says, 'A tropical island?' No, MA one of the ones in the Arctic Ocean. Now I'm generally okay with Mary Anne but my God, is she stupid. The phone rings again and...and oh, God. Why why WHY am I allergic to alcohol?! Probably because if I drank for every stupid moment in this book I'd die of alcohol poisoning in the first chapter. It's Logan and he says...he says...give me a moment. Look at the kitty with the banana.
kitty11
He says that the fucking egg took it's first steps. Just how much LSD is in Stoneybrook's drinking water? 99.99%? NO ONE ACTS LIKE THIS! No one! No one is that fucking insane! Anyway, they get to talking and make up and who cares. MA says that she's glad they didn't give them real babies because she's an idiot and thinks that's plausible. They also talk about how hard it is to be an adult and I can't fault them there. I do fault their stupid teacher though for not assigning them jobs so they still think they have to figure out how to live on baby-sitting wages. Seriously, what the fuck was up with that?

Chapter 15
They last session of the modern living class. They'll be moving on to health and one boy comments that that should include sex ed. Pretty racy for an Ann book! I was pretty sure that she thought the cabbage patch was based on a real live incident. Of course, none of this will come up because won't someone think of the children!

MA an Logan turn in a-'32 pages long, typed, single-spaced' paper and wow. I would not give that much a fuck about this stupid class. I would have just turned in a Post-It that said, "I can't afford shit without a job. I hate babies. I'm fucking 13.' For a final assignment they have to write about what happens when their 'children' have grown and what they did with their lives. Yeah, I would still give fuck-all about that paper and be like 'Stupid baby grew up to be a crazy person. You can catch him on the corner of Baseline and 5th yelling at pigeons about stealing his snow tires.'

Good God-'“Logan,” I whispered, feeling tearful, “Sammie doesn’t need us anymore. She’s going to leave us!”' Mary Anne, you are a fucking crazy person! Keep a lookout on your snow tires! Those pigeons are sneaky bastards! If I saw someone crying about a fucking egg I'd send them this-
byebabies
They decide their egg will live in New York because omg! New York! It'll be an editor. You know, those things Ann never hires because she's certifiable and shit like this gets published?

At the BSC meeting they all blithering about what their stupid eggs grew up to be. The only one that's semi
believable is Kristy's who ends up being a mechanic. All the others are curing cancer and shit. Kinda weird that Kristy's kid didn't become Grand High Dictator of a day care or something equally grandiose.

They all comment about how they're gonna have babies when they're older and so what? Don't they know they'll never get older? Mal is also insane because she wants to have 8 kids just like her mom. Poor Mallory, she must crave a life of servitude due to how she's treated. They're all starry-eyed at the thought of having kids and I roll my eyes because that's the last thing I'd ever want. I don't even take care of my Sims babies.

At home, they prepare dinner and Sharon says they should eat in the dining room. She talks about how MA and Dawn were asking about her and Richard having a baby causing quiet panic. But instead she says they were talking about it and if the girls want they can get another pet. Why they don't immediately agree and get a pug is beyond me. MA says they changed their mind on the baby and that they (Richard and Sharon) have no idea how hard it is being a parent! Ah hahahahaha!  Laugh track freeze frame shotgun blast!

Wow, that was stupid! I'm a little stunned here. What was Ann thinking? These are not the actions of a normal teen! Has she never met a teen in her life? Again, Ann is a lizard person whose only info on teens is back episodes of the Patty Duke show. So, next up will be Dawn Saves the Planet because I'm a glutton for pain. But at least there's no babies and it's fun to make fun of Dawn. Thanks for reading!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: kakeochi_umai
2014-06-17 11:29 am (UTC)
What's the catch-the-baby gif from? It's awesome!

...But the cat with the banana is the awesomest. <3

It'll be an editor. You know, those things Ann never hires
Apply cold water to burned area
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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 01:07 am (UTC)
Ha! That gif is from Robotech. I used to watch it all the time when I was little. But I don't remember that scene. And I love the kitty with the banana! Especially when the guy walks by and the kitty is like 'My banana!'
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[User Picture]From: darth_firefly
2014-06-17 11:54 am (UTC)
'32 pages long, typed, single-spaced' paper

The fuck? My senior paper in college wasn't even that long, and it was double spaced! And the subject was a billion times better.

I think Ann watches those better living videos from the 50s and 60s that MST3K were so fond of ripping to shreds and treating them like gospel instead of the tripe they are. Except the 'Are You Ready for Marriage' one.



Edited at 2014-06-17 12:04 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-17 07:32 pm (UTC)
Where are Joel/Mike and the Bots when we need them??!?!

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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 01:21 am (UTC)
Crazy, right? I mean, what did they write about for that much? The class was totally stupid and useless! How many pages do you need to say houses and bills are expensive?

And yes! I can totally picture Ann watching those old PSAs and 'Ohh! That's how the world is run!'
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[User Picture]From: darth_firefly
2014-06-18 02:26 am (UTC)
They must have written about all of Sammie's progress - you know, walking, learning to sit up, smiling for the first time... all that insane shit THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING EGG.

Or a smegging garbage pod...

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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 04:06 am (UTC)
Omg I bet that's what it was. I would feel sorry for Mrs. B but she's an idiot. Dumb leading the dumb.
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[User Picture]From: gimere
2014-06-17 05:14 pm (UTC)
How a fucking egg made it out of a fucking closed cookie tin I have no idea.

Clearly, it sprouted legs and got as far away from this ridiculous book as possible. It's OK, egg. We're here to help you.

So, next up will be Dawn Saves the Planet

DIS GON' BE GOOD.

Edited at 2014-06-17 05:14 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 01:22 am (UTC)
I have no clue why but whenever I think of eggs walking around, I think of the teeny little super guy they used to show on Sesame Street. It's such a weird thing.
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[User Picture]From: design_star_21
2014-06-18 02:09 am (UTC)
I think of the one from Garfield and Friends.
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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 02:11 am (UTC)
Oooohhhh, YEAH! I totally forgot about that! Wow, that was a blast of nostalgia!
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[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-19 07:12 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-17 07:31 pm (UTC)
Not gonna lie...I squealed with glee when you said you're doing "Dawn Saves The Planet" next. XD

And OMG....I tended to go above and beyond writing papers in school because I love to write but DAMN....32 pages!?! Does the teacher REALLY want to read all of that? This is why I am not a teacher....I'd be like "TL:DR they don't pay me enough for this shit." Or, you know, impose word or page length requirements....maxium especially.

Mary Anne's New York fetish makes me cringe....OF COURSE Sammie is in the Sacred City. *pounds head on desk* What really bugs me, is after visiting a few times and she's seen the streets are not paved with gold, shouldn't it have calmed down a bit?
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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 01:27 am (UTC)
Right? I mean, I get wanting to do well on a paper but that damn long? If I was a teacher I wouldn't read all that. They could have slipped in some porn and cocktail recipes and I'd just be like 'A! You get an A!" without actually reading it. Then again I wouldn't be dumb enough to not put a limit on how much you write.

I think Ann thinks New York is all upper class and highballs and carriage rides. She would never admit that it was a Hell hole through most of the years. It's funny because I'm watching Ghostbusters at the moment.
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[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-18 02:47 am (UTC)
LOL! But if you give the kid an A, then they'll keep turning in long ass papers. :P

I know, right? I can't think of a city that doesn't have a ditry, gross part of town. My hometown is less than 40,000 people and we have "slums" even though it's supposed to be an upper middle class suburb. And then the city we're a suburb of, which is also about 40,000 people....and there's a damn ghetto. No city is perfect. I love my hometown and I love the city we're adjoined too, but I also know what neighborhoods not to go through after dark. But if people aren't perfect, why should a city be?
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[User Picture]From: deathbytamarind
2014-06-28 02:29 am (UTC)
Shit man my senior thesis for my undergrad topped out at 17 pages (before the annotated bib). 32 pages, writing or reading, in 8th grade would be a slow, painful death with how 13 year olds write.
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[User Picture]From: maryannespen
2014-06-28 03:31 am (UTC)
I know plenty of adults that it would b a slow, painful death to read 32 pages written by them. XD
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From: andromeda331
2014-06-18 01:06 am (UTC)
A says they changed their mind on the baby and that they (Richard and Sharon) have no idea how hard it is being a parent! Ah hahahahaha!

Man, I know that's suppose to be "funny", but to say that to man who actually raised a daughter all by himself? I would have loved if Richard tore into Mary Anne on that one. You think babies are so easy, trying having a baby and wife dying of cancer at the same time, then raising said child by yourself for thirteen years with no help from anyone.

I do fault their stupid teacher though for not assigning them jobs so they still think they have to figure out how to live on baby-sitting wages. Seriously, what the fuck was up with that?
That actually would made them learn more then carrying around an egg. Find how how much money each of their dream job actually pays? Then how much of that goes to rent, food, etc? How much more all that stuff is if you actually do live in New York? My school actually had a program like this. Once the students finished their budget and were horrified by how little money they had left, if any. Then the teacher would bring up student loans for that 'dream' job, so then you made a second budget factoring that in. Then a third budget made factoring in just one kid. It was an eye-opener.


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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-18 04:09 am (UTC)
I didn't think of that. I bet inside Richard was like (⊙◡⊙) and trying not to break an egg over MA's head.
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[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-18 04:16 am (UTC)
Not to mention that Richard had to fight his in-laws to get her back, just to add another layer of awful to MA's statement.
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[User Picture]From: sundae_mourning
2014-07-28 04:34 am (UTC)
That actually would made them learn more then carrying around an egg. Find how how much money each of their dream job actually pays? Then how much of that goes to rent, food, etc? How much more all that stuff is if you actually do live in New York? My school actually had a program like this. Once the students finished their budget and were horrified by how little money they had left, if any. Then the teacher would bring up student loans for that 'dream' job, so then you made a second budget factoring that in. Then a third budget made factoring in just one kid. It was an eye-opener.

so my boyfriend and i were watching old episodes of "Dawson's Creek" on netflix and came across one where the kids are all assigned that exact project, and then had to pull random jobs out of a hat. i got all excited for a second, thinking that it would be semi-realistic, but no. with the exception of one pair, they all drew jobs that were in the low to mid six figure range, and then spent the project trying to decide whether they should budget for an exotic vacation or a new Mercedes, or if it made financial sense to purchase a beach house for the summer or just rent one for the time they'd use it. there was one pair that had a fairly realistic annual household income of something like $60,000 that had to make a budget for real people. and i just sat and fumed and wanted to claw the producers' eyes out and tell them that i'm a dozen years out of high school and i still have to decide every month if i want to pay rent on time or gamble that the half tank of gas i have in my car will get me to my next paycheck. so, nice try "Dawson's Creek" but you still managed to create a totally worthless project.
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From: andromeda331
2014-08-19 02:26 am (UTC)
Nice try Dawson's Creek agreed. It would be nice if they would try to show a semi-realistic project. Show the kids what its really like out there in the real world.
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[User Picture]From: beserkerjewel
2014-06-18 03:59 am (UTC)
Of course, none of this will come up because won't someone think of the children!

Because not teaching them will stop them from doing it, amirite? Ugh.

MA says they changed their mind on the baby and that they (Richard and Sharon) have no idea how hard it is being a parent!

Okay, I'm not even a parent and I think that's hilarious. These girls clearly need to be smacked with a cluestick.

Congrats on getting through this giant pile of failure.
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[User Picture]From: anabellabobella
2014-06-19 07:08 am (UTC)
I'm sitting her trying to come up with a response to the utter stupidity of everyone in Stoneybrook, and I have nothing clever.
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[User Picture]From: deathbytamarind
2014-06-28 02:28 am (UTC)
Aw man, I wanted to snark this one but I see you already did it with such skill and grace that I can't follow this up.

But yeah this book is a world of WTF.
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[User Picture]From: road_baby
2014-06-28 04:36 am (UTC)
Ahh! Thank you! You're too kind! (▰˘◡˘▰)
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