#4 Karen's Kittycat Club
Cover Snark: Not much to snark here. Karen, Amanda
Delany and Hannie are sitting around adoring their
respective cats. Boo Boo is suddenly grey. And Karen
has his face pressed against her shoulder, probably to
hide the "please kill me now" express he's no doubt
wearing. If you hold the kitty like that, Karen, it's
no wonder he doesn't like you.
Also, is it just me or does Karen have a ridiculous
amount of throw pillows for a six year old? The poor
kid can only have two pairs of jeans, but she can have
twenty decorative pillows on her bed? Nice, Watson.
The story opens with the totally nonsensical line about
Ms Colman reading Karen's class a very funny book
called "Jacbo Two Two Meets the Hooded Fang." There's
no rhyme or reason for it, it's just a random bit of
fact stuck at the start of the book. If I didn't know
any better, I'd swear I was reading one of Dan Brown's
Robert Langdon books.
Karen launches into telling us her name is Karen
Brewer, but it should be Karen Two Two because of all
her twos in life. Two mommies, two daddies.. and this
would be so much more interesting if the two mommies
lived with each other and the two daddies in the other
house with each other. Instead, we skim this part.
By the way Karen...fuck you for thinking that Sam and
Charlie are old. I'm thirty-one and I'm STILL young, SO
And she flat out says she has two PAIRS of jeans
instead of my earlier thought that it was just her way
of saying jeans at both houses. Even if Lisa isn't
getting a lot of child support, for God's sake take the
kid to Goodwill!
This segues into Karen wishing she had two Kristys.
Excuse me a moment while I cower in terror at the
thought. Apparently she's the model step sister. And
the next paragraph is an advertizement for the BSC.
Which Karen thinks she's going to join when she gets
old enough. Oh the humanity!
She wants to start a club of her own, but she doesn't
know how. With your personality, Karen, don't even
bother. You'll just end up like K-Ron. Then again, that
seems to be her goal. Is this supposed to be a horror
Karen is staring out her window. Since it's at the
Little House there's no witch for Karen to stare at and
accuse of trying to curse the neighborhood so she's
bored and waiting to go to the Big House. Oh, but she's
writing off her public shaming of Mrs. Porter as her
and Hannie having a "scary adventure."
Lisa calls them and the kids clatter down the stairs
like a herd of wildebeest yelling "Hurray!" Does anyone
*really* say 'hurray' when they're cheering?
Karen thinks Saturday morning is the best, best time of
her weekends at the Bis House because she wakes up in
her room, is there all day and goes to sleep in her
room. Poor kid. That Saturday she puts her lucky
rabbit's foot on her belt loop, explaining to us she
tries to make Saturdays as nice as she can. Oh...kay?
That makes no sense, but we'll roll with it. At least
she's not accusing Mrs. Porter of killing the rabbit.
There's a huge paragraph here about her broken wrist. I
kind of feel sorry for everyone around Karen if she
carries on about things like this. I mean, I broke my
tailbone, but I only bring it up when you ask me to sit
through "Titanic 3-D" or something. She strikes me as a
type to not only beat a dead horse, but beat it until
it's ashes and bones. Plus, once again I'm going to say
it: breaking a bone is NOT an accomplishment!
Thankfully she got the cast off two weeks ago. NOW SHUT
UP ABOUT IT!
Karen puts her lucky stone in her pocket for added luck
and goes downstairs for breakfast. She points out that
Boo Boo is eating on the kitchen counter. Hannie thinks
it's gross and honestly so do I. And I have four cats.
But seriously, those cute little kitty toes go in the
Karen goes into her spiel about Boo Boo being fat and
old and mean. Well, in the last book we saw you bribe
him with food and then try to force him to play with
you, so we know why he's fat and mean, Karen.
Apparently Rocky is much younger and more polite. And
If that one's not enough to get the rescue mama in me
pissy, she then tell us Midgie is a mutt "but that's
okay." They are so benevolent they love him even if
they don't kow what kind of dog he is. He's an awesome
dog to put up with you, Karen, that's what kind of dog
This makes Karen think about how lucky she is to have
four pets and how none of her friends have that many
pets. I hope she's not this competitive someday if she
has kids or she'll give Michelle Duggar a run for her
Hannie distracts Karen from her basking in her own
awesome with some very big news.
Karen is so excited that Hannie has news that she jumps
up and down, begging her to tell her. Hannie barely has
a chance to catch her breath before Karen forces the
news from her - the Papadakises got a kitten!
They named her Pat the Cat. To go with Noodle the
Poodle and Myrtle the Turtle. Obnonxious or awesome?
YOu be the judge. (I'm on the fence. It's cute now, but
I hope they never get an Iguana or a Sugarglider or
even a Guinea Pig.)
Now that Hannie has three pets, Karen starts thinking
about how lucky she and Andrew are to be two-twos and
have more more pets than their friends. She admits it's
not nice to think that, but she does anyway. Well, it's
only one more than Hannie now, so get over yourself,
Hannie takes Karen to meet Pat the Cat. Karen points
out that the Papadakis place is as big as her father's
house. McMansions...I'm lovin' it.
Apparently Pat the Cat is black, but Karen doesn't spaz
out and try to excorsize the poor kitty or anything.
Mrs Porter's cat, Midnight, is only evil by
association, I guess.
Karen points out that she, Hannie and Amanda all have
cats. This keeps sticking in her mind. They all have
cats and they live near each other. Hannie, however,
just about withers and dies at the mention of Amanda
Delaney and her four hundred dollar cat.
Thankfully Pat the not quite Cat is entertaining and
her cute antics eat up the rest of the chapter until
it's time for Karen to go home for lunch. Unfortunately
for all mankind, Karen is getting an idea.
So Karen's great idea is that since she, Hannie and
Amanda all have cats they should start a cat club. What
about the fact Hannie and Amanda can't stand each
other? Why didn't they just make a club with Nancy?
They have to have something in common and much less
blood would be shed.
Then Karen has to start naming the club and honestly I
gotta say the "Kittycat Club" sounds like a strip
joint. Maybe they can find a tiny g-string for Boo Boo
and a cute little black bow tie for Pat the Almost Cat?
And don't make that face, at least I don't eat cats
like a certain loveable 80's alien! I'm looking at you,
Alf, and no, you may not join Karen's club.
Is it just me or does Karen spend a lot of time sitting
on the front steps of either house and thinking? Right
now she's doing her best Pooh Bear impression over the
details of the club. Mainly WHY does the club exist? To
stroke your ego, Karen. But why do you need some big
purpose? Get together, gossip, eat junk food...I'd join
Oh God...she wants the cats to come to the meetings? So
they can teach the cats tricks? I thought Ann had cats!
I mean, yes, cats can learn tricks, but they have to
WANT to do it. And generally kitty play dates don't end
And Karen, stop shitting on Boo Boo. He is not too old
to learn tricks. Or too fat and grumpy. He hates you,
and THAT is why he won't learn tricks.
Kristy comes upon Karen thinking about her club and I
think this is about the time the four horseman should
start riding down the street. Oh wait! This isn't BSC-
verse Kristy! Instead we get sane, rational Kristy that
points out that Hannie and Amanda don't like each
other. Thus...this is a very bad idea.
Karen thinks they'll learn to like each other if
they're in a club together. No, that's only going to
make them resent you for putting them in that
situation. But instead of pointing this out, Kristy is
distracted by Karen asking her to tell her about the
start of the Baby Sitters Club.
Apparently lunchtime at the Big House on Saturday is
super special too because they put all of the food in
the house on the kitchen table and let the kids have at
it. I will admit, I usually end up eating that sort of
lunch when I clean out the fridge. But what I want to
know is after the kids eat, who puts it back? I'm
betting it's either Elizabeth or Nannie.
"We put out bread and mustard and mayonnaise and cheese
and cold cuts and pickles and olives and peanut butter
a and jelly and fruit and salad and potato chips and
pretzels and carrot sticks and celery sticks and juice
and milk. We can eat whatever we want."
I realize they're just putting out the kid-cooking
friendly fare there, but that's all Watson has in his
fridge? Most of that list is condiments.
Every week Sam makes a Dagwood sandwhich, which
apparently is piling random shit on bread. Karen thinks
him putting leftover meatloaf on a sandwhich is gross
but doesn't think twice about the potato chips. Then
she adds he once put in three olives like that's the
wackiest sandwhich ingridient yet. Though that's not
nearly enough for a whole sandwhich...maybe they only
had three left?
"I always have the exact same lunch: an apple, a
celery stick with peanut butter spread in it, some
potato chips, and milk. That is a very wonderful
Raise your hands if your mother would've told you had
to each something "heavier" than that. *raises hand*
You better believe my Momma would've been been making
me take a sandwhich or at least a bowl of soup too.
Ha, Karen thinks she'll throw up if she has a bite of
Kristy's peanut butter and banana sandwhich. If Kristy
was smart, she'd like "more for me" than "it won't hurt
you." I like it when people think what I'm eating is
gross, then I don't have to share.
Karen and Kristy settle out in the yard under a oak
tree where K-Ron can spread her secrets of
indoctrination down to the next generation in peace nd
quiet. Kristy is all to happy to regal her little
sister with the glorious story of the Baby Sitter's
Club conception. And that takes up rest of the chapter.
Karen, the child with only two pairs of jeans to her
name, has a kid sized table and chair set in her
bedroom. Priorities, Watson. She also has a lot of art
supplies for someone who has hardly any clothing.
She sits down with Moosie to make invitations to the
Kittycat club. I want to make a dirty joke here, but
I'm trying to keep in mind the median age of these
girls is seven. Ann is not making it easy on me.
The first invivation reads:
"COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
I WILL LET YOU JOYN MY CLUB.
BRING YOUR CAT."
Two observations here. First...this is the kid that
skipped a grade because she's so damn smart and she
can't spell "join?" And second...that just sounds
really creepy, Karen. Seriously, you have to sell it a
bit better than that.
She reads it over and knows she spelled a word wrong
but can't figure out which one. So she acts Moosie to
tell her, but of course he can't because he's a DAMN
STUFFED CAT! So she decides "your" needs "one of those
Somewhere off camera, Ms. Colman's teaching
certification is being revoked. At least, in a perfect
world it would be. Maybe it's time she canned the
"special announcements" and field trips and actually
teach the kids something?
"COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
I WILL LET YOU
JOYN MY CLUB.
BRING YOU’RE CAT."
Did Claudia write this? Karen laments it still isn't
right, but she thinks it's because it doesn't sound
enough like a birthday party invitation. Oh Lord.
THE KITTYCAT CLUB!"
This time the little genius realizes that yellow crayon
doesn't show up well on white paper. *sigh*
Fourth Fucking Try:
THE KITTYCAT CLUB!"
Okay, other than the really stupid spelling error we're
WHERE: MY HOUSE."
Karen continues to realize something is wrong but just
can't put her finger on it. Is that how you write time?
For fuck's sake, Karen! Get an adult! And while your at
it, ask the adult why the hell you skipped a grade.
She didn't want to do it, but she goes to Watson for
help and he shows her how to fix it correctly. My
mother would've been like 'wait, you're asking other
kids to bring their CATS HERE?' and that would've been
the end of the Kittycat Club.
Final Edition Where's the Wine?:
"COME JOIN THE KITTYCAT CLUB!
WHERE: KAREN’S HOUSE
BRING YOUR CAT!!!"
Oh, and Karen explains her questionable spelling
choices: "“Who would have thought you spell ‘join’ with
an ‘i’?” I asked Moosie. “You spell ‘joy’ with a ‘y,’
and ‘join’ sounds like ‘joy’ with an ‘n.’ Oh, well.”"
Well...that explains it all now, doesn't it? There is
indeed something in the water in Stoneybrooke folks,
that's the only explanation I can come up with that
doesn't make my brain explode.
Oh, and Karen walks the invitations over and puts them
in Hannie and Amanda's mailboxes. How did she forget to
do that just five books later? Sometimes her logic
really makes me scratch my head.
It's quarter to three and time for Karen to torture Boo
Boo. I mean, get ready for her meeting. For some reason
she feels it's necessary for the cats to come to every
single meeting too. Now, where the hell are the
parents? Especially Hannie and Amanda's. Do they NOT
notice their kids taking the cats out of the house? If
you saw your seven/eight year old taking the cat out of
the house wouldn't you at least ask WHY?
Karen bashes Boo Boo again for not being as nice as Pat
or as beautiful as Priscilla. Again the rescue momma in
me is seething. But she concedes there is one good
thing about Boo Boo...he's a cat and without him
she couldn't be a member of her own club! Glad to know
the cat has worth only if you get something out of it.
Boo Boo seems to sense something is up and hides
himself in the laundry room for a nap. When she finds
him, she calls the poor cat an "old fat thing" and then
"lugs" him upstairs to her room. Then wonders why he
doesn't want to stay there so she has to shut the door.
Gee, I WONDER why the cat hates you, Karen.
Hannie arrives and Karen welcomes her to the Kittycat
Club. And it still sounds wrong to me. If I overheard
that exchange I'd be afraid the girls were playing
Pat is not afraid of Boo Boo in the least, walking
right up and swiping him in the nose. But when Boo Boo
swipes back Hannie gets upset. Kids really don't
understand how cats work, I think.
Then Amanda arrives with ye holy overpriced cat.
Priscilla is a white Persian and groomed to perfection.
Karen says Amanda is nice but she talks about her cat
too much. Especially the part about the cat costing
four hundred dollars. Supposedly this is why Hannie
doesn't like her. I gotta agree with Hannie on this
one, pointing out how much you paid for something is
obnoxious as hell.
Amanda is not happy to be there, it seems, and neither
are the cats. As soon as she arrives Boo Boo tries to
kill Pat. When Pat tries to run away, Karen screams at
her to close the door. May the odds be ever in your
favor, Pat, because I think this shit just went
Karen tries to tell Hannie and Amanda that the Kittycat
Club will be a cat sitting service modeled after the
Baby Sitters Club. Am I the only one who wants to see
Karen try to force cats into putting on a play and then
get mauled within an inch of her life because cats do
not work like that? But she can't tell them her plan to
get to that happy ending because Amanda and Hannie are
freaking out that their cats aren't getting along.
Well, Amanda freaks out because Pat is looking at
Priscilla and "going to" bother her. God forbid anyone
ruin the sheen on that four hundred dollar coat.
There's a three way cat fight and Hannie and Amanda
show some common sense by scooping up their cats and
heading for the door.
In desperation, Karen appeals to their more base
natural and yells out 'don't you want to make a lot of
Amanda, of course, is all over the idea of making a lot
of money. Hannie echos my first thought by asking her
if she'll buy another four hundred dollar cat with it.
The girls stick tongues out at each other and Karen
begs them to sit down and listen to her idea.
This time they keep the cats somewhat seperate, so
Karen is able to talk. She starts by regaling them with
tales of the almighty Baby Sitters Club. Amanda,
hilariously, interupts her wanting to know about their
club. Apparently all the kids in Stoneybrook have heard
this story. Probably they are told it as soon as they
are old enough to comprehend it, right up there with
the story of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. If only
Kristy were that delightful. Or that made up.
Karen says they're going to do the same thing, feed
cats and change the litterbox when the owners go away
for a few days. No mentions of solving all the cat's
problems or forcing them into talent shows, so it's not
really the same thing at all.
They'll hold meetings to wait for calls. And that means
advertizing. Hannie thinks they're going to do TV
commericals and I wonder briefly if the Papadakises are
greek oil tycoons. But Karen decides to go with fliers
and tells them people must need cat sitters all the
time. So all they have to do is make fliers and they'll
And now they've become the Underpants Gnomes. Step
one..make fliers. Step two..*crickets chirp* Step
The girls like the idea of big money, but Amanda
doesn't want to bring Priscilla to every single
meeting. She asks Karen why she has to be there and
Karen has no answer for that so she just goes 'well,
it's the kittycat Club, that's why!' No, that's the
argument for the strippers, Karen. It still doesn't
explain the damn cats having to be there.
That night Kristy wants to know how the Kittycat Club
is doing, but when Karen tells her they're going to
cat-sit and compares it to the BSC, it's time for her
to knock her down a few pegs. NO club in Stoneybrook
can be as successful sitting ANYTHING as the BSC.
PERIOD. Karen, of course, doesn't believe her that the
Kittycat Club will be one of the vast majority of
businesses that fail.
Ahhh, to be six again.
The next day there's another meeting of the Kittycat
Club (known now as KCC for my sanity) and no one is
paying attention to Karen. The cats are chasing each
other and Hannie and Amanda are fighting. Which is
pretty much what you get when you put three strange
cats and two girls who don't like each other in the
Karen wonders what Ms Coleman would do and I thought
she was going to make a 'surprising announcement' but
instead she just claps her hands to get their
attention. And scares the cats.
After a few bitchy looks, Karen states that they must
make the fliers so they can make the monies. Which
leads into the dicussion of how much to charge. Hannie
wants to charge a dollar a day, which Amanda says is
too little, so they go to three dollars a day. Then
they each earn a whole DOLLAR per day.
I have four cats and I sometimes feel like I deserve a
badge of honor for daily litterbox duty, especially if
they've been eating dairy or tuna. A dollar doesn't
quite cut it. Though I do hope they give Karen the
Setting up meeting times is going to be really tricky,
of course, because Karen is only there every other
weekend and Amanda goes to a different school. Gee,
maybe they should've considered this earlier? Instead
they decide to put Hannie's number on there too for an
Pedobear alarm: THEY PUT THEIR AGES! ON THE FLIER! WITH
THEIR HOME NUMBERS!!!! THAT SHIT WAS NOT SAFE IN THE
EIGHTIES EITHER ANN!!!!
After they make a million (in Karen terms, it was
really only twelve) fliers, Hannie wants to go home.
But Karen needs her ego stroke and decides they need to
choose offices. And of course she should be president
because the club was her idea.
For once, I'm not going to argue with Karen's logic.
But then the little idiot gives them the option to vote
on offices, and of course Hannie and Amanda would
prefer to vote on it. And of course they all vote for
themselves. For each office. This might be why most
major corperations are not run by six to eight year
So they decide to draw names out of a box. Put the
names in the box, first person is president, second is
vice president, leaving secretary to the last name
left. Alright, that seems fair enough. Of course Karen
doesn't think so, because she doesn't think anyone else
deserves to have a chance to be president. SO WHY DID
YOU OFFER TO VOTE ON IT, KAREN?
Karma smiles up on Stoneybrook and spares it from Mini
K-Ron...Amanda's name is the first out of the box.
Karen's is second, making her vice president. Hannie
gets stuck with secretary, which is sort of a shitty
job if they except a seven year old to keep files on
the cat's favorite kitty treats and what behavioral
problems the KCC will need to solve for their clients.
Amanda is pysched, of course, but Karen is a
megapissed. Gee, who didn't see that one coming? The
club was her idea, dammit! A good argument if you
hadn't opened up the idea of voting, Brewer. Karen says
they didn't vote for anyone but themselves, so it was
no good. But Amanda will only stay in the club if she
can be the president.
Karen tricks her, saying that she can stay president if
Karen will be the one to run the meetings. Because
really, president is only good if you get all the
attention and make all the decisions. Otherwise it's
just an office.
Amanda agrees and they go to deliver fliers, no doubt
imaging how they'll spend all the money they're about
to make. *snicker*
The Kittycat Club distributes their fliers and Karen
reassures them that they will be cat sitters very soon.
I try to keep my snickering down to a reasonable level
as Karen is then carted off to the little house. But
not before pointing out that she knows all about
running a business because Kristy told her about the
BSC. Oh geez.
Lisa and Seth are very skeptical about this cat sitting
thing and Lisa flat out tells Karen not to get her
hopes up. Which Karen doesn't even hear because she's
daydreaming about everyone in Watson's neighborhood
being on vacation and needing cat sitters, giving the
KCC lots of business and leaving the girls filthy rich.
Well, those are surely realistic expectations. There's
no way she'll be sorely disappointed within a week if
she's going into it with that sort of mindset.
The next day, Karen accousts Hannie the moment she gets
to school. But we don't get an explantion of why she's
screaming for Hannie so she can explain to us that she
has two best friends and it's very confusing because
they're both in the same class with her. Um...how is
this confusing? I have three best friends. It does make
me Mare Three-Three nor does it boggle my mind they're
all on my Facebook. For someone was ADHD as Karen you'd
think she'd have multitasking down a bit better.
Karen wants to know if they got any sitting jobs and
Hannie awesomely point out she could've said hello
first. So she says 'hello' and immediately asks Hannie
again. I'm laughing that Hannie thinks Karen is going
to actually develop manners. FAT CHANCE!
The next day she pounces on Hannie (and even calls it
that) the moment she sees her. She's upset that the
Kitty Cat Club isn't working after two days. And that
makes me sort of shake my head because wow...didn't she
learn that not everything happens at once? But she's
got bigger problems. Nancy overheard her mention the
club and she wants to know all about it. And, more
importantly, how her best friend could start a club
Ah, to be six again. Your friends don't have an
obligation to invite you to every club they create if
you don't share the interest, Nancy. But I do think
it's ridiculous that Karen isn't letting Nancy in the
club on prinicipal she doesn't have a cat. It's not a
club for cat owners, it's a club for cat SITTERS and
you don't need a cat to sit for one. Couldn't Kristy
have brought this up to Karen and tell her about when
Jessi sat for all sorts of animals she didn't have at
Karen feels awful. Of course, when she says why she
feels awful she puts not getting a cat sitting call in
two days ahead of hurting Nancy's feelings. In fact,
Nancy's feelings are third, because second is Nancy
being mad at HER, which takes a back seat to hurting
Nancy. Definitely someone I'd want my kid being best
friends with for sure.
The next day there's no jobs again. Karen is about to
freak out until Nancy comes into the classroom and then
she starts talking loudly about how they'll have jobs
very soon for sure. She doesn't want Nancy to think
she's upset or there's anything wrong with the club
she's keeping her out of for an assnine reason.
Um...why would Nancy give two fucks about your club,
Karen? You won't let her in, remember? Oh wait...I'm
sure in Karen's mind she figures that Nancy's entire
reason for living is now going to be getting into her
club. Because whatever Karen does, everyone wants to be
a part of. *eyeroll*
On Thrusday morning, Hannie tells Karen the moment she
sits down on the swing beside her they don't have any
cat sitting calls. Karen wonders how she knew that was
what was she was going to ask. Maybe because you pounce
on her without even a hello and demand an answer every
single day? If I was Hannie, I wouldn't speak to her
until she greeted me like a real person, not an
answering machine, but I don't think seven year olds
are at that level of etiquette yet. At least Karen is
Nancy sits down on the swing on the other side of Karen
and asks about the Kittycat Club. Karen talks aboout
how much fun they're having and how they're about to
get a whole bunch of sitting jobs so they can make the
big money. Which is really shitty when you consider
she's keeping Nancy out of the club on a stupid
technicality that has nothing to do with her cat
sitting ablities. If seven year olds even HAVE cat
On Friday, Karen gets to school first. She actually tells Hannie "good morning" for a change, but alas, no sitting job for them yet. I'll be honest...at this
point six year old me would've had enough of that shit
and moved on to something else. But this is Karen, so
she calls Hannie on Saturday since it's a little house
weekend. When she finds out there's no sitting jobs,
she promises to call Amanda to tell her the bad news.
Does that mean she's been calling Amanda every day
after school to give her the same news? Now we know why
the Delaneys move away!
The doorbell rings and Karen runs to the door screaming
that she'll get it. She tell us she loves answering the
doorbell. If I was Lisa, I'd hope it was a gypsy
looking for a child to buy. Instead it's just Nancy.
And she looks sort of sad. Gee, I wonder what that's
about? Karen is obviously very bad at drawing
conclusions because she invites Nancy to her room.
Immediately Nancy asks to be in the Kittycat Club. She
even throws in a "puh-lease?" to show how desperate she
is. Oh honey, you can do so much better than begging
Karen. Ten years from now you're going to look back at
this and wonder why you were ever friends with her, I
Karen says she feels bad and she really wants to let
Nancy join the club but she can't. Um...why not? Do you
really think Amanda and Hannie are going to give two
flying fucks that she doesn't have a cat? This kid
really gets hung up on her self imposed rules. It's
funny when she drives herself into major angst over it,
but it's sad when she makes her best friend feel like
Nancy's solution is to tart a new Kittycat Club and
she'll let Karen be president. This is a tempting
offer, of course, because Karen's ego loves to be fed.
But there's already one Kittycat Club. So she decides
to decline the highly attractive offer and says no, she
can't do that. The only way to get into the Kittycat
Club is to have a cat, of which Nancy has none.
Nancy wants to borrow Goosie. Ever the anal retentative
dictator, Karen clarifies that it must be a real cat
like Boo Boo or Priscilla. It's the club rule. SINCE
WHEN? There has been NO MENTION of club rules thus far!
Hilariously, Nancy gets mad at this and spikes Goosie
on Karen's bed like a stuffed kitty, red striped shirt
wearing football. She is mad as hell and not going to
take it anymore, Karen Brewer!
Nancy shouts the club is stupid because they haven't
gotten a single job. Karen wants to know why she wants
to be in it, then, and honestly this is sort of a good
point. But she doesn't let Nancy answer because then
she has to tell her she's "gigundo stupid." Oh
Lord...that word. I was afraid, when I was in the
middle of reading the series, that I would slip up and
use that word in public. Dibbly fresh is one thing, but
gigundo....no. Not from my lips. To be honest, I don't
even know how to pronounce it anyways and given my
track record on pronunciation, I would slip up in
public only for it to be in front of another BSC fan
who would correct me on how it's pronounced.
(Seriously, it's a running joke with my family and
friends about me going around mispronouncing words for
years before someone finally corrects me and I'm all
'THAT'S how you pronounce it??!!?')
This is too cute to not share straight from the text:
'“Am not. And good-bye. I’m leaving. We are not best
“Forever?” I asked. I could feel tears in my eyes.
“No, just until Monday,” replied Nancy. “Good-bye.”'
Oh, to be in first grade again!
Monday...Karen asks Hannie if there's any sittings
jobs. There are none. Karen asks if Nancy wants to
spilt a piece of gum, Nancy says maybe. They do later.
Tuesday...Karen asks Hannie if there's any sittings
jobs. There are none. Karen asks Nancy to come over to
the Little House. She say she'll think about it. And
Wednesday...I ask myself why I let a snow storm come
with no alcohol in the house and check my hiding spot
for one of the beers I like. There is none. But the
Kittycat Club DID get their first sitting job!
Wonders of wonders, miracles of miracles! Someone is
going to let Karen take care of a cat!
Apparently a Ms Werner needs someone to feed her cat,
Kibble, when she goes on vacation. I guess you can name
a cat after what it eats, but I don't think it would
work for dogs. 'Assorted Roadkill in a Can' just
doesn't have the same ring to it as 'Kibble.'
For all the anticipation for over a week and a half,
when Karen finds out about the job, she doesn't know
what to do. Hannie has to tell her that someone will go
talk to Mrs Werner that afternoon and it has to be
Karen because she and Amanda are busy. Was Karen not
paying attention when Kristy was talking about how the
BSC works? I mean, I'm sure she's heard the story a
million times, but this is the one time she should've
Plans made, Karen jumps around screaming like an idiot
until Nancy comes into the classroom and wants to know
what's going on. Of course she has to gush about how
the Kittycat Club got their first job. Nice...just
twist that knife in her heart a bit more, Lil' K-Ron.
Karen's not sure how she's going to feed Mrs. Werner's
cat when she lives on Watson's street and she's at the
Little House rest of the week. Just because Hannie and
Amanda are busy that afternoon doesn't mean they're
going to be busy every single second, but I'm sure
Karen wants the glory of the first job for herself.
Another worry is if Lisa will drive Karen there, but
she does. Because Karen told her it was really, really,
really important. But Lisa says she can't drive her
over there for every feeding so Hannie and Amanda will
have to help. Common sense points to Lisa!
Oops, spoke too soon. *sigh* Lisa knows Mrs Werner and
says she's very nice so Karen may go to the job alone.
She's six years old. In my opinion, that's a little too
young to go by herself to a neighbor's house unless the
parents are really, really familair with that person.
But this is Stoneybrooke, the Mayberry of New England,
so Karen goes and Mrs Werner really is an adorable old
woman. Who is totally shocked when Karen introduces
herself as the cat sitter. She thinks the flier says
the girls are sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen. And
that their names are Katie Bower, Hannah Papaddy and
Karen explains her mistake and once Mrs. Werner puts
her glasses on, she can see that she read the flier
wrong. So...why didn't you put your glasses on to read
it before you called? I've worn glasses or contacts
since I was nine, I know what I can't see and I
wouldn't, say, drive and back into a parked car and
THEN put my glasses on to see what I'd already hit.
Karen asks if she still wants her to feed Kibble, but
Mrs Werner says she wanted someone older. Scraping her
pride off the ground, she says if she meets someone
older she'll tell them about the job. Then she goes to
her Mommy's car and cries.
When she calls Hannie, she cries a second time. But
instead of thinking it's not going to work, she calls
for a meeting of the club that Saturday. Because it's
going to be VERY IMPORTANT. *headdesk* Karen...take a
When I told her, I started to cry again. “We’ll talk
bout it at our meeting on Saturday,” I said. “We need
a meeting. It will be very important.”
Karen loves Fridays! Please don't tell me she's going
to write a song and perform it on youtube. PLEASE! And
she especially loves Fridays she goes back to the Big
House. Oh Lord...that's what the song could be about!
SOMEONE GET THIS THOUGHT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!
The maturity Karen showed at Mrs. Werner's house has
died over the last forty-eight hours. Now she's
thinking of her as "old Mrs Werner" and internally
snarking that it's not her fault the woman needs
glasses. And that her cat is stupid. She's a great cat
sitter, dammit! She feeds Boo Boo and Rocky all the
time! Of course, she forgets that there are adults
around that can make sure she doesn't feed too much or
forget a feeding.
The kids run inside and Karen shouts her arrival,
throwing her backpack down. Andrew says nothing and
sets his backpack down carefully. Guess who's invited
to my house and who isn't?
David Michael caught a big spider and Andrew wants to
see it. So they run off to practice being
entomologists. Karen announces she has to inspect.
Apparently every time she gets to the Big House she has
to make sure everyone is in order and everything is in
place. Where else would it be?
Thankfully she stops once she gets to the kitchen to
help Watson and Elizabeth make dinner or else we'd have
a Super Special #7 "Karen and the Invasion of Privacy."
Oh wait...that's half of this series. My bad!
As she mixes up veggies for the salad, she thinks about
the Kittycat Club and wonders why they hadn't gotten
any jobs. Did everyone throw away their fliers? No,
Karen, it's because you're too damn young to
responsible for another living thing without adult
supervision. For someone that's lauded as being so
smart, she's awful dense sometimes.
Elizabeth reassures Karen she kept the flier, but when
asked if she would hire them to sit Boo Boo, she gives
Watson a Look. Karen points out that adults seem not to
realize kids actually notice when they do that, which
is sort of clever. Then Elizabeth explains they'd need
a pet sitter, not just a cat sitter if they went away.
And people don't normally need cat sitters that often.
Of course, that goes over Karen's head, but at least
she doesn't decide to open the DoggyStyle Sitting
Service or something in tandem to the Kittycat Club.
Hannie and Amanda come for the meeting and they have
their cats again. Boo Boo starts growling the moment he
sees Pat and Priscilla. Our genius child Karen tells
them to hurry up and close the door instead of
realizing there is impending doom when cats death howl
Hannie announces she wants to be president, but Amanda
won't even look at her as she reminds her that she's
the president. Bitch. Karen, however, is more worried
that people think they're too young to cat sit. And
that some people need their dogs sat for too.
But Hannie just repeats she wants to be president.
Karen is all 'were you not listening to me?' and now
she knows how other people feel when they deal with
her. All three girls sigh and one of the cats sighs
with them for good measure.
Amanda wants to go home because nothing ever happens,
but Karen convinces her to stay just in case they get a
job. Amanda is rightly skeptical but stays, and no
doubt regrets it when she doesn't need to buy any light
bulbs or fertlizer their one caller is selling.
Hannie pipes up for the third time she wants to be
president and Amanda tells her to shut up. I'm with
Amanda on this one. Apparently Karen and Andrew are not
supposed to say 'shut up.' But slandering their
neighbor is fine? Nice standards.
Then Boo Boo takes a chunk out of Priscilla's tail,
which is no doubt insured for a hundred dollar, and
Amanda freaks out. She demands Karen get her dirty, old
cat away from her beautiful one. Instead, Karen tells
her to GTFO. Hannie too. They're not getting called and
her friends are being annoying bitches. MEETING
Tongues are stuck out and cats are scooped up to be
taken home. Then Karen tells Boo Boo to go away too. He
tears out of the room, no doubt hoping Midnight might
let him sleep over next door until the brat goes away
Karen is angry and tries to figure out how to deal with
it. She stands up and sits down. She picks Moosie up
and puts him back down. Then she picks up a shoe and
throws it across the room. In my house, the next action
would be my mother coming in and grounding me for
trying to destroy the house. But this the Big House, so
the only person that appears is Kristy, ready to solve
After she comes, Karen says she THINKS she threw the
shoe on purpose because she needed Kristy. First off,
THINK means she's trying to justify the shoe throwing.
And that is NOT how you call someone in a different
part of the house. You go find them. Or if they're on a
different floor you stand at the stairs and scream for
them. At least that's how it works in my house.
Kristy knows something is wrong because she saw Hannie
and Amanda stomp out. Karen admits they're all mad and
they aren't getting any jobs. Plus they can't decide
who should be president. And the cats fight. Basically,
everything is a mess.
....and why does this surprise Karen? I knew it was
doomed from the start on the simple principals that
seven year olds do not do business well and Hannie and
Amanda hate each other.
Kristy tells her that there's clubs that are just for
fun and clubs that are businesses. And...I've never
heard of a club that was a business other than the BSC,
but okay, I'll give her that since she's being sane.
Though when she says you have to know what you're doing
to make money...did the BSC know what they were doing
the first few books? Or ever.
Karen admits she made mistakes and hell freezes over.
She asks Kristy for a low down on why it didn't work.
This is sort of obvious, but again...not that many
people need cat sitters, they're too young to do it
anyway, and Hannie and Amanda hate each other.
Then Kristy admits she knew the club was doomed from
the beginning but decided to let Karen find out on her
own because she wouldn't have listened anyway.
Obviously Kristy's got this kid's number...at least for
this book. She'll forget by the time the fifth one
Karen calls Hannie and Amanda and asks them to come
over sans cats. As she waits for them, she asks herself
why DID they bring the cats to the meetings? Yes,
Karen, WHY? Especially after the first meeting didn't
go well. And why didn't she let Nancy in it? Because
you like to feel superior, I'm guessing, and consider
your self imposed rules too important to break because
of your egomaniac tendencies.
Hannie and Amanda come and all three girls are very
serious. Karen starts to explain to them the club isn't
a good idea and it's not going to work. She tells them
what Kristy told her, then adds she never decided if it
was a club or a sitting business. And then she
Hannie demands to know why she's sorry and I like to
think she's not that dense, she just wants to make sure
Karen knows what she did wrong. She's sorry for being
mad and making them bring their cats to the meetings,
adding she hopes Priscilla's tail will be okay. Oh for
fuck's sake, hair grows back!
Amanda, of course, makes a big deal out of it. First
saying she guesses it'll be okay, but it looks a little
bare. But it isn't bleeding. And if it was
bleeding..well...Karen would be up shit creek without a
paddle. Thankfully Karen interupts the wah wah fest
before it gets anymore sickening.
She says they have to end the club. Amanda says they
should just leave her room and go home. Karen
internally snarks Amanda has no imagination because SHE
wants a ceremony. Oh Lord...
Hannie whispers an idea to Karen, and Karen gets a
silver wand from the dress up box. Then she declares
the wand is magic and it's secret powers for Amanda to
make her un-vice president and Hannie un-secretary. But
if she thinks Mrs. Porter is doing magic with herbs,
she's ready to break out the rack and stocks. Nice
double standard there.
Amanda touches them each with the wand and the Kittycat
Club is over. I know three kitties that are ready to
break out the catnip with that happy news.
After Hannie and Amanda leave, Karen sits in her room
with her toys, which include nineteen stuffed animals
and seven dolls. Only seven? I had that many Barbies
alone, and my Daddy was a plant manager, not a real
I guess she's feeling a bit down about the Kittycat
club's demise and is trying to make me suffer along
with her having to read about her annoying behavior.
First she makes noises, then she tries to make herself
cry, and she finds out she can make herself sneeze by
rubbing the top of her nose.
Thankfully Kristy calls to ask if she's getting a cold
and Karen stops doing it so no one will give her
medicine. But the self pity fest rages on. She tries to
think of a sad song, but her "feelings, woah woah
feelings" reminds me more of the music they play when
they put you on hold over the phone.
Then she succumbs to insanity and starts talking to
Moosie. Somehow she ends up in tears over the thought
of the show 'does you chewing gum lose it's flavor on
the bedpost over night' because it's so sad, you guys!
Losing the flavor of your gum! Oh my God! Why is there
not a telethon for this?!!?
She rocks Moosie and sits him upside down so his smile
is a frown. Then she turns a doll upside. Soon she's
got half of her animals upside down. Then she's
laughing because it's the silliest thing she's ever
Seriously, that's the silliest thing she's ever done in
almost seven years of being Karen? HA! By the time I
was three I had her totally beat...when my Mom was on
the phone I stripped naked and covered myself head to
toe in Vaseline because a TV commerical said it made
your skin soft. It also does not come off with water,
as my mother soon found out.
Gee, having fun is so much better than having a club.
But...didn't Kristy say that some clubs were just for
fun? No Karen! Don't do it! RESIST!
Of course Karen can't resist and she's going to start
another club. At least she has enough sense not to run
over to Hannie's and ask her to start it with her.
Instead she wants to call someone else.
But Sam is in the kitchen and she can't make the call
in front of him. And David Michael and Andrew have
managed to sneak in some TV time to watch a movie when
Kristy isn't there to demonize the invention of
television and force them into a talent show to remove
the taint of TV from their young minds.
So Karen asks Elizabeth to use the phone in her and
Watson's room. Remeber when that was a big deal, using
your parent's room to make special calls? Ahhh, the
80's. Anyway, she calls Nancy and they act like two
seven year old girls for a bit.
Then Karen apologizes and Nancy brings up that she
didn't understand why she had to have a cat to be in
the damn club. Karen says she wasn't thinking, which is
the understatement of the century. But Nancy still
can't join because the KCC is deader than disco.
But Karen wants to start a club just for fun, with no
rules and no president and everyone can join. She'd
like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, I
guess she's trying to say. But I don't think her ego
can take not being stroked for this idea long term,
which is maybe why we'll only hear about this club for
a half dozen more books before it falls into the plot
They're going to call it the 'Fun Club'. Well, at least
it doesn't sound like a strip club this time. Or a sex
store. That's improvement.
Karen is stressing out majorly and asking her mother
every twenty seconds if anyone will come to the first
meeting of the Fun Club. Lisa is getting sick of this
shit real fast, but keeps telling her yes, they will
come. If you build it, they will come. And hopefully
when they leave, they will take you with them.
Just a day after telling everyone at school about the
Club, they're having their first meeting. Andew wants
to know what they're going to do and Karen immediately
tells him he's too young to play with them. Then she
has to remember there's no rules for joining so says he
can. Just proving the leopard can't change its spots...
Obviously Nancy and Hannie do come. And Amanda even
comes though she's not in Karen's class. Four other
girls from school come that we never hear from again:
Heather, Nina, Kim and Vicky. Apparently after an
afternoon with Karen they begged their parents to
switch schools so they could avoid her club.
Eight girls plus Andrew! Realizing he's in the company
of nothing but older girls, Andy blows the joint before
any of them turn into cougars.
They put a play first, a production of Cinderella with
just Lisa watching. Then they make heads for puppets.
The bodies will come the next meeting, which I guess is
the hook to keep them coming back again.
Then they lay on the floor and tell jokes...and I
refuse to repeat them because my humor is more
apprecitve of things like MST3K and George Carlin than
Everyone goes home and Karen and Nancy bask in the warm
of glow of the impending success of their club. Which
will never get more than a slight mention for a few
more books, because this whole damn series is Karen
going from one idea or scheme to the next.
Up Next: #5 Karen's School Picture