Karen's Roller Skates (Baby Sitters Little Sister #2)
The Baby-Sitters Little Sister
#2: Karen’s Roller Skates
Well, when you look at how high Karen is when she's
jumping the cans, it's no wonder she didn't break
something sooner. Even though it didn't exactly happen
that way. Also, I don't think mid-air is the right
time for self congratulations. She's totally throwing
her arms over her head all "YEAH I ROCK!" Wait til you
land first, Karen.
The chapter opens Karen barreling down the sidewalk on
her new roller skates, yelling at Nancy and Andrew to
jump away because that's easier than it is for her to
stop. So we're three lines in and I already know where
Karen messed up...she thinks she's a lot better than
she really is. Common problem, but when you add wheels
into the equation bad things happen.
The next paragraph she introduces herself and tells us
that she's a world champion skater. Then she admits
not a world champion or a champion. Just very good.
But if you were very good, Karen, you would be able to
STOP. It's a pretty basic concept.
She lists the things she's good at and basically I
think she and I skate at the same level. Which is no
compliment, because after I go skating I usually have
to sit on a pillow for several days. Claiming to "try
any trick I see" is also not something to brag about
in my opinion.
Watson shows some common sense and has told Karen she
shouldn't do tricks because they don't want broken
bones. And yet...well, I can't bag on Karen too much.
She's six. My friend and I set up a BMX course in my
backyard when we were ten or eleven. I'm so glad I
made him try it first, considering he was turned into
a human projectile over the handle bars. Apparently
bikes don't jump. Who'd a thunk?
I think her special skating outfit sounds pretty
fugly, but again I'll give her a pass because it's the
80's. And why no helmet? Knees are good, wrists are
good, heads are essential to life.
Karen admits she's had a few small accidents when she
almost mows Nancy and Andrew down again. If I were
Nancy, I would suddenly need to go home for some made
up reason. Thankfully her mother calls her in just
then and Lisa calls for the wee daredevil before she
can kill any body. That day.
Apparently Karen and Andrew are going to Watson's a
day early because Lisa and Seth are going on a three
day vacation to "the state of Maine." I'm glad they're
not going to the country of Maine, I hear the food
there is terrible. She wishes she was going, but she's
glad to roller skate all weekend at her father's. The
chapter ends with an omnious 'there was a new trick I
wanted to try.'
Karen wakes up Saturday morning telling us it's hard
to wake up, but not on Saturday mornings. Actually, I
am much more likely to get pissed about being woken
early on a Saturday. Then she talks about kissing
stuffed animals and scrunching up the pillow. Screw
that, let me sleep like a zombie until noon. Now
that's a good Saturday morning!
She doesn't get to see Moosie very often. Awwww. I
know she has Goosie, but that sort of hits a soft spot
with me. Maybe because I'm a toy collector? Or because
I slept with stuffed animals until I was twenty-five
and my Min Pin, Marty the Stuffie Slayer, came into my
It's two-two time. Karen mentions the big house and
the little house.
Oh, Karen has to tell us about Morbidda Destiny again.
She's seen her with a broom! She must be a witch! Burn
her! And the "she grows magic herbs in a garden in her
backyard" makes me laugh, because my father did that
in the seventies too. But his were only magic when you
She puts on her skating outfit and goes downstairs for
breakfast. I have a bad feeling about this, guys.
Karen complains about only have one skating outfit and
one pair of skates, so she has to remember to bring
them back and forth. If she has so much trouble
remembering and I'm right about her being ADD, has it
ever occured to Lisa and Watson to help her not forget
to bring things or take things home? I mean, I grew up
ADD and my mother spent half of my childhood making
sure I was taking or bringing the right things to the
Okay, I'm 31 and still ADD and she STILL reminds me
constantly about things. And my father buys me Post It
notes. Pink ones. I have awesome parents.
Karen is not allowed to wear her roller skates indoors
at either house and I'm wondering why she's telling us
this because I kinda thought that was a universal type
of thing. Hell, at my house we weren't even allowed to
wear SHOES indoors.
Elizabeth asks Karen to take Shannon for a walk.
Bernese Mountain Dogs are BIG dogs, and if Shannon is
still a puppy I'm sure she suffers from Big Dumb Puppy
syndrome, common in young large breed dogs. Is this
really a good idea? I would think a six year old
wouldn't be able to wrestle down a big puppy like
that. Unless she's been to obediance school. Shannon,
I mean, not Karen. Though I think Karen might benefit
more from it.
Using six year old logic, Karen decides that getting
Andrew to hold onto Shannon's leash while he rides his
trike and she skates ahead of them is a GREAT idea. No
it's not. And nice to put off the dog on your brother,
who is even smaller and less capable of handling a
big, dumb puppy.
Karen forgets her wrist guards, shrugs and takes off
down the sidewalk like an idiot. Andrew shows more
sense than her and is very careful Shannon doesn't get
tangled with his trike. The four year old has more
sense than Karen, yet she's the SO SMART kid that
skipped a grade. Hmm.
She remembers the trick that she wanted to do and
tells us that Andrew loves all kinds of tricks. If I
had a Karen for a sister, I don't think I'd like any
tricks. Poor kid. Anyways, Karen gets coffe cans from
the garage and sets them up. The woman on TV did six,
but in a rare show of restraint, she's just doing two.
Andrew immediately thinks this is a bad idea and I'm
starting to think that they got it mixed up which
sibling is the smart one. By some miracle, though,
Karen does jump over them without killing herself.
Then she tries to turn around to gloat and that's when
she falls on her hands. Now she knows the agony of the
failed end zone dance.
Predictably, not going back for her wrist guards has
bitten Karen in the ass. Or, well, in the wrist. She
says it's bent at the wrong angle and when she tried
to move her fingers it made her "gasp." Okay,
honestly, I would probably be swearing a blue streak
in that situation and screaming. Good thing she's not
allowed to watch TV when Kristy's around, so she
doesn't know the kind of words I knew at six. (Though
I learned most of them from watching my Dad put toys
together on Christmas morning.)
Andrew starts crying and runs to get Watson. Somehow
in his panic he decides that he should leave Shannon
with Karen. Oh geez...there goes my comments the last
chapter about him being the smart one. Adorably,
Shannon licks Karen's tears away. Awwww, I love dogs.
Watson runs out and picks Karen up. Then, hilariously,
he does this "“Does this hurt? Does this hurt?” he
asked as he picked me up." Um...yeah, because the
kid's wrist being bent the wrong way doesn't give you
ANY idea what hurts. Not to mention when I read that I
get the imge of him just poking her randomly.
He brings Karen into the house and puts her down on
the couch. She announces that her wrist is broken and
Elizabeth agrees. It seems like it's pretty obvious
that it's doing bendy things a wrist should not do. So
why the hell is Elizabeth calling Karen's NORMAL
peditrician? Get that kid to the ER!
Unsurpsingly, Dr Dellenkamp says she wants Karen to go
right to the ER. I'd like to think she phrased it more
like I did. Kristy insists on going to the hospital
with Karen, which I find a bit odd. The times I've had
to go to the ER myself I didn't even want to be there.
It's even worse when you're not the patient.
Elizabeth and Kristy just stare at each other for a
moment, deciding who will stay at home and who will go
with Karen. Good thing the kid's not bleeding to death
or anything. But geez, she's got to be in pain and
they're just caught like deer in the headlights.
Kristy ends up going, and Elizabeth tells Karen that
she can scream and cry and give the doctor a hard time
if she wants to. Charming. Now we know part of the
reason Karen is such a damned brat. Alright, the kid
is in pain and I don't think she should be reprimanded
if she cries, but don't encourage her to be a little
shit to the doctor before she even gets to the
hospital, for fuck's sake!
Apparently everyone in the family has seen too many
episodes of St Elsewhere. Watson is speeding like an
idiot and Kristy nearly screeches when they find the
entrance to the emergency room. I realize Karen is in
pain, but she really needs you guys to be calm and not
freak her out more, okay? Because if you put me in the
back of the car and speed off like that, I'm gonna
think there is something MAJORLY wrong with me. And
proving my point, Karen says she's starting to get
Watson carries Karen into the ER and Kristy tries to
comfort her by telling her about the time she broke
her ankle. I get what she's trying to do, but when I'm
in pain the last thing I want to hear was the time
someone else was in a similair pain.
Karen is concentrating on that icky hospital smell,
however, and I have to agree with her...hospitals
smell bad. Antiseptic and over bleached. ICK!
Awesomely, before Kristy can get too far into the
story of her own broken bone, they get to the check in
lady. She expresses concern at Karen's wrist. My best
friend works as an ER admit clerk, and she tends to
not get impressed by anything short of gushing blood
or visible organs after ten years on the job.
Doctor Dellenkamp sort of runs in and Karen is happy
to see her for a change, thinking she'll make her
wrist feel better. Poor kid. She doesn't realize that
first they need to do X-rays and then they need to set
her wrist and all of that is going to hurt like hell.
Oh, to be six again.
Karen doesn't want to go get X-Rays by herself,
though, and Dr Dellenkamp offers for Kristy to go with
her. A little more raditation exposure couldn't hurt
Kristy's brain anymore than it already is messed up.
Hilariously she actually WANTS to go and claims she
'loves hospital stuff'.
Apparently even broken bones don't dull Karen's ego
because she starts to feel 'sort of important' when
she sees all the people looking at her going down the
hall in the wheelchair. Of course she does. I'm
honestly surprised she doesn't give a few paegent
waves while she's at it.
She goes into great detail describing the X-ray tech's
outfit and that he looks like a doctor but not really
because he has no stethoscope. It's Tom, the X-Ray
technition guy! He reassures Karen he knows what he's
doing when she questions the lead bib. Kristy makes a
stupid joke about it being the world's biggest camera
from the doorway. Stoneybrooke public school system,
ladies and gentlemen!
Karen tries not to cry even though it hurts because
Tom is careful with her arm. Maybe she didn't hear
Elizabeth's permission to scream and throw a fit, or
maybe she's saving that up for the doctor himself.
They finish and she gets put in her "chariot" to go
back to her father.
Now the big question - Is Stoneybrooke like rest of
the world and Karen will have to sit there with a
broken wrist for five hours? Or are emergency rooms
another thing Ann knows nothing about? Let's find out!
The nurse brings Karen back to Watson, who is finished
with the paperwork. I'm surprised because usually it
takes forever to fill out all those forms. Maybe he
left some spaces blank. Or he's a real, live
millionarie because of his superior form filling out
Dr. Dellenkamp takes Karen back into one of those
little curtain rooms. If it's anything like the ERs
I've been in, they'll spend the next two hours
listening to people puking, crying and swearing.
Instead the doctor announces that the bone doctor is
already looking at Karen's X-Rays and she's going to
go take a peek too.
The moment she leaves Karen complains she's bored.
Like the MOMENT, Dr. D's ass is barely out the door,
and the kid is bored. With a broken wrist. I was very
ADHD too as a kid, but intense pain seemed to
temporarily cure it. So Kristy starts telling elephant
jokes and Watson sings about ants much to the joy of
their neighbors I'm sure.
The bone doctor comes in and gives Karen a shot. She
'screeches' over the shot and I silently blame
Elizabeth on behalf of all the other parents in the
triage area who now have terrified children to deal
with. The doctor is very calm about it and sets
Karen's wrist with a device that sounds like the thing
you use to milk a cow.
It's hard to snark the part about him putting the cast
on because it's not snarky. It's just boring. Kristy
just about wets her pants over it, of course, but this
is Kristy we're talking about. Though this does take
the creepy involvement with kids thing a step further,
They take more X-Rays to make sure the bones are where
they shoulde be and after giving Karen a sling, she's
sent back home. She's sleepy and I'm sure Watson is
thinking that it's going to be a quieter than normal
weekend at the Big House. But this is Karen...
Instead she's in the back seat wondering how she'll
pet the animals and button buttons with her arm in a
cast and, in her words, she 'began to feel very, very
sorry for myself.'
Guess she didn't get to see any kids that got creamed
by a car or had massive head injuries or anything if
she thinks a broken wrist is a national tragedy.
Watson brings the broken one home and makes the
mistake of asking her if she can walk into the house
by herself. She snaps at him that she's tired and her
arm hurts, so obviously no. He carries her into the
house and everyone makes a huge fuss over her. Karen
enjoys it, obviously, and makes a show of looking as
sad as possible for her siblings.
Her family fixes a place for her in the den where she
can watch TV and bask in her own misery. Everyone
bends over backwards to make her feel comfortable.
Andrew even brings Karen her favorite book. And I
quote: “Thank you,” I said in a very small voice, “but
I can’t read this now. I don’t feel well.”
Is Karen using that barf pail? No? Could you scootch
that over here, please?
Watson suggests Karen call her mother and she does,
all the way in the "state of Maine." Sometimes I think
the "state of Maine" is a code phrase for something
else. "The state of ecstacy" maybe?
She does feel better after talking to her mother, and
honestly I can't snark that because I'm 31 and I still
whine to my own Mommy when I'm sick or hurt. It just
helps for some reason. Then we see Karen's injury has
left Kristy temporarily insane because she actually
lets the kids watch TV for a change. Somehow their
brains do not spontaneously combust by lunchtime.
Lunchtime? Karen had breakfast, broke her wrist, went
to the hospital, got her wrist set, got home and has
time to watch TV before lunch? Yup, hospitals are
another thing Ann doesn't understand.
Karen plays on the couch and admits she isn't sleepy
nor does her wrist hurt that much. So she leans agains
ther pillows and feels like a princess, ordering her
siblings around like slaves. By the time dinner rolls
around, though, Andrew and David Michael have burned
off their quota of compassion. Awesomely DM tells her
she can walk so get her own damn coloring book.
When dinner's ready, Karen doesn't want to go eat at
the table with rest of the family. Elizabeth asks her
if she "needs" to eat on the couch and the little brat
has to admit she's feeling fine. After dinner her
siblings have totally gotten over her injury and she's
indigant that they're watching their TV programs
instead of her sand Charlie doesn't give her ANOTHER
She crankily says she can't sleep and her parents tell
her to try sleeping anyways. In other words, we don't
want to hear you whine rest of the evening so go to
bed. Can't say I blame them.
Karen wakes up the next morning feeling pretty good.
Her wrist only hurts a little and she decides that she
won't waste the day lying around on the couch. That's
very nice for her, but not everyone jumps up the
morning after breaking something ready to take on the
world. Also, I'm not taking her opinion that seriously
when she thinks she's going to skate that afternoon.
She has trouble dressing herself, which is sort of a
"no shit" scenario BUT it's always frusterating when
you're hurt trying to work around everything. Karen
vows to do it herself, though, and she does.
When she goes downstairs, Elizabeth is surprised that
she's dressed when Kristy is still sleeping. So
Kristy's job now is to help dress Karen? Watson or
Elizabeth couldn't have helped her? Maybe Kristy and
Mallory can have a bonding moment over this.
Awww, it's kinda cute that Karen thinks she can do
anything with just her left hand. David Michael calls
her on it and Karen makes and butters toast by
herself. Somehow this is seen as a "so there" sort of
gesture, but really it doesn't prove much of anything.
Ah, to be six again.
Watson comments that Karen must be feeling better, and
she happily tells him that she is, telling us that if
she wants to roller skate later she better look fine.
The master maniuplator in her native habitat, folks.
If she can do this at six, can you think of what
she'll be doing at sixteen?
David Michael is all "you can't use the can opener to
feed Boo Boo" and if he was a little older I'd swear
he'd been reading Tom Sawyer. Much to her surprise,
Karen can't use the can opener. Guess DM is going to
have to feed the cat himself. Oh well, she can still
paint a fence with one hand, DM, don't forget that.
Karen starts listing everything she can do, then
sneaks in that she's sure she could go roller skating.
Watson, however, is all hell to the no. But she
persists...she didn't break her legs, just her wrist!
It's not like she needs to balance and the weight of
the cast will throw her center of gravity off or
anything. Only Watson flat out tells her that PLUS
directly tells her no. I have a feeling this is
something we should remember.
But for now, Karen has to go to the hospital to get a
recheck. She is like OH NOES!!!!!
Watson wants to get going early so they don't have to
wait too long. Well, there's that bit of realism we
were looking for! Karen is upset that Kristy can't
come because she's still asleep. I'm surprised she
didn't just burst into the bedroom and start screaming
at her to wake up.
Instead Andrew goes with them. Because if there's one
thing more fun than waiting for a long period of time
with a six year old who likely has ADHD, it's having a
four year old along on the journey too. But Watson
lets him come, probably hoping Karen and Andrew will
entertain each other.
They have to wait in the emergency room because the
bone doctor doesn't have an office. The only worse
thing than dealing with the ER when you're sick is
dealing with it when you're fine.
A woman comes running in with her screaming daughter
who burnt her hand. An ambulance comes streaking by
the hospital. Either this is a really, really shitty
episode of ER or inspiration for Karen and Andrew to
start playing hospital, right there in the hospital.
That seems sort of weird to me but anything to keep
them quiet, I guess.
They go back into one of the little curtained rooms
and this time there's medical supplies in it. Karen
feels supreior to her brother for knowing the name of
a medicine for cuts. Apparently the school nurse told
them that in a first aid class, but a six year old
remembers "Merthiolate?" Oh-kay.
Doctor Humphrey, the bone doctor, catches her saying
that and suggests Karen might become a doctor. I sure
hope not, doctors should usually have a bit of empathy
shouldn't they? And then he starts up Watson's earlier
routine of 'does this hurt? does this hurt?'
Apparently he does find something that makes Karen
yell out in pain and she silently curses at him for
having hurt her. That's his job, Karen. Seriously.
The doctor asks Karen how she hurts her wrist and
instead of just saying "roller skating" she goes into
unnecessary storytime. However, it was four cans she
jumped instead of two. She even twirled around in the
air! Andrew tries to bust her, but she shushes him and
goes on to say she saw this caterpillar on the
sidewalk after her perfect landing and she swerved to
avoid him and THAT is how she fell.
Watson isn't buying it and Andrew points out there
were only two cans. The doctor just says "hmmm, best
way I can think of to break a wrist." And of course it
goes over Karen's head.
She has to have more X-rays, and then the doctor
explains that she'll have to come back for more x-rays
every week and get smaller casts and my eyes are
starting to glaze over at this point. Karen is paying
attention, though, because when he says she's going to
wear it for eight weeks she starts crying. She wants
to go roller skating, dammit!
And just like Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB Gun, Karen
and her roller skates are seperated by the cruel words
of adults. "Not until your wrist has healed."
Karen, however, is upset when she has to go to school.
So she wants to be fine enough to skate but not fine
enough to go to school? Actually that sounds about
right for a six year old.
Karen is sent on her way, and she admits she's staring
at the ground because she felt very sorry for herself.
I think that's about the fourth time she's said that.
Seriously, it's a broken wrist, you'll survive. You're
six, it's not like you have to get going on that cure
for cancer or something. The only six year olds who
have to do that are the Perkinses.
Ricky Torres is in the hospital waiting room and it
turns out he broke his ankle playing baseball. Karen
starts out by just saying she broke her wrist roller
skating, but when she sees her father's not listening
she has to one up her classmate. This time it was five
cans, she did a double twist in the air, and she
landed perfectly. She decides that's enough so her
class will never find out what happened for real, but
then she throws in the caterpillar again, only this
time the caterpillar had a baby too.
Thankfully she is interuptted by the signatures on
Ricky's cast, or else the baby caterpillar probably
would've been in a teeny tiny wheelchair. With a
seeing eye dog. That had a limp.
Karen is jealous that Ricky had so much time to show
his cast off to people and get signatures. When Ricky
says he has to have the cast for six weeks, Karen
snots back she has to have hers for eight so her bone
must be broken worse. And then it descends into a
pissing match between the two who will get more
attention at schoool Monday morning.
Ricky's going to get the signature of a famous
baseball player his father is friends with. Karen's
fragile ego is crushed and he knows it, smirking at
her proudly. And Karen, of course, has to turn this
into a contest and vows to be VERY busy that day.
Karen comes home from the hospital and immediately
starts screaming for everyone to come sign her cast.
Though it counts towards her total signature count, I
don't think she'll get very high points for just
getting her family to sign. I mean, if Karen's going
to treat this like a competition, I can score it like
Sam, Charlie and David Michael stop their game of
catch to sign her cast right away and put effort into
thinking up witty little sayings. Karen thanks them by
demanding to know if they know anyone famous.. Because
that totally wouldn't have come up before or anything.
Maybe they met someone famous at breakfast.
Rest of the siblings sign, as do Watson and Elizabeth.
They all get asked the famous person question, which
is even more stupid when it's being asked to a four
year old. Karen admits the truth to Elizabeth who
decides to come up with a creative idea...get Shannon
and Boo Boo's paw prints on the cast!
Actually, that's a really cute idea. Do I think my own
animals would tolerate it? Hell no. Especially my Min
Pin. He goes into hysterics over the simplest things
and my cat would probably have a diva fit. Boo Boo
does hiss, but Shannon goes along with it without
fuss. I like that dog...she's a saint to put up with
the Thomas-Brewer clan so well.
Elizabeth points out they aren't famous autographs,
but they are special. Karen smiles at her and agrees,
but in her head she points out that they won't compete
to a real celebrity autograph. Ungrateful brat.
Karen decides to go around the neighborhood so people
can take pity on her and then she can ask them if they
know any famous people after allowing them to sign the
almighty cast. Okay she said "go visiting" but this is
Karen we're talking about...that's totally what she's
Hannie shows proper concern, and Karen has a funny way
of responding. From the book...
'“Karen!” Hannie cried when she opened her door. “What
“I broke my wrist,” I said proudly.'
She's PROUD of breaking her wrist? Really? It's not
exactly an accomplishment or anything. In fact, she
did it in a moment of klutziness. But I guess for
Karen anything that puts the attention onto you is
something to celebrate.
Hannie calls her parents and brother out to see
Karen's cast and we get the newest version of the
story explaining how it happened. This time there's
seven coffee cans, she's almost flying..no..she WAS
flying and did a triple twist in the air with a
Didn't the lady on TV just use six cans? The bullshit
is getting pretty thick here, but it gets worse when
Linny asks if she fell when she landed. Now the
caterpillar has three babies, and Karen jumps over
THOSE and then she falls. Mr. and Mrs. Papadakis frown
at the story and will no doubt soon have a
conversation about how full of shit Karen is and hope
that it doesn't spread to Hannie.
Mrs. Papadakis knows the mayor and Karen gets all
excited, thinking he's really going to sign some
random kid's cast on a Sunday afternoon so she can
show up her classmate. For a change the universe does
not bend to Karen's will and she's told the mayor is
out of town. She pouts, because being polite is for
Karne gets Myrtle the Turtle's claw print on her cast
and instead of being satifised with something VERY
unique like that, she wants to continue to canvas the
neighborhood. Hannie is really upset that Karen is
going to visit Amanda Delaney because they are VERY
Hannie bitches Karen out a bit about her fraternizing
with the enemy and decides she will not go along.
Thankfully they don't get into a passive aggressive
meltdown, but I think it's kind of strange that Hannie
flips any time Amanda is mentioned. Okay, so they have
different friends, just don't play with her. Or her
four hundred dollar cat.
By the time she gets to the Delaney's house, Karen is
not mad anymore and is sort of upset that her friends
don't like each other. She think it's silly. Well,
that's great for you, Karen, but you can't make them
like each other so don't fucking force the issue!
Shannon is babysitting for Amanda and Max. I'm
surprised it's not Kristy, but since Shannon is part
of the BSC I'm sure it's an approved sitting job.
Now Karen jumped over TEN coffee cans, the police had
to come when she broke her wrist and she went to the
hospital in an ambulance. She gushes interally about
how much she loves to tell stories and this one was
getting to be the best. No one will ever know she fell
down trying to turn around! But they will know she
wouldn't know the truth if it hit her in the ass. Of
course Karen never thinks of that.
Karen asks if Priscilla the four hundred dollar cat
can sign her cast too, but once Amanda finds out it
has to be done with ink she flips out that she does
not want her perfect cat to be soiled.
Again she asks if they know anyone famous and Shannon
is suspicious, wanting to know why. Karen explains
that it's important. Max has a friend who has a friend
who knows the hairdresser of a famous singer Karen has
never heard of. The ice cream truck's bells interupt
Karen from mounting an international effort to get the
singer to sign her cast by the next morning mission
Karen is excited the ice cream man is coming and she
has fifty cents in her pocket. Ah, the eighties. Now a
days they wouldn't let you lick the side of the truck
for fifty cents.
Up and down the block, kids come swarming out of
McMansions like locusts. Despite hating Amanda, Hannie
will stand in line with her if it ends in ice cream.
She and Karen whisper back and forth that they aren't
mad with each other. Which is good, because your
friend being friends with someone you don't like is a
really shitty reason to be mad at someone.
Mr. Tastee drives down the street very slowly,
probably just to torture the kids. They start waving
their arms frantically, afraid he might pass them by.
Trust me, if you have money he won't pass you by.
Hell, he'd probably stop to ASK if you have money.
Mr. Tastee finally pulls up to them and demands to
know what Karen did to herself. Does anyone else find
the ice cream man knowing Karen's full name a little
skeezy or is it just me? Karen doesn't help when she
tells us that he "cares about us kids. He always stops
and talks to us."
Karen tells the creepy ice cream man an even better
version of how she broke her wrist. This time with
helicopters and fire engines. And now creepy ice cream
man gets a point for me for flat out asking Karen if
she's sure that's what happened.
Andrew has a crowning moment of awesome here and
finally speaks up. There were two cans, no
caterpillars, no fire trucks or ambulances or
helicopters. He doesn't say she was just trying to
turn around, instead he continues to be awesome asks
Karen to tell them the real story.
She does and she doesn't think it's as interesting,
but no one seems to mind. They were more interested in
the cast and the autographs than the fact that Karen
is a little liar...I mean, that Karen fell turning
Mr Tastee signs Karen's cast and she reacts with pure
shock that his name is Roger Jones. She thought it was
Mr Tastee for real, you guys! It's only the name of
the company, though, and that sound you hear is
another layer of Karen's child like innocence peeling
Karen asks him to sign "Mr. Tastee" under his name so
everyone will know who he is. Then he mounts his truck
and rides off into the sunset. Well...mid afternoon
sun. And then she has the nerve to snot she STILL
doesn't have a special autograph with all of her
friends who signed her cast standing around her.
Karen and her friends sit down on the curb and lick
their "Mr Tastee treats"...which sounds very, very
wrong to me. She looks longingly at the garage and
pouts about not being able to skate for weeks.
Then she sees Morbidda Destiny, the witch next door.
And has to tell her friends she's gathering herbs for
a spell. When Andrew asks what kind of spell, she says
something awful. Maybe a spell to take away Christmas.
And this is where I am grateful that these are just
words on a screen, because if she were an actual child
I would've slapped her for being cruel to her friends.
Karen goes on to 'woe is me' that it's just her luck
to live next door to the only witch in town. First
world problems, Karen. And then she realizes how to
solve her autograph problem..where is Ricky going to
get a bonafide WITCH autograph?
Karen speculates if she's brave enough to do it. After
all, the witch has to get close to her and touch her
cast. Is that even legal? She decides that Hannie will
come with her for support without bothering to ask
She invites Hannie over to play and after buttering
her up with how glad she is they aren't mad at each
other anymore, she throws in there that she needs her
to go to Morbidda Destiny's house with her.
Hannie is like OH HELL NO to the thought of going to
Morbidda Destiny's house, pointing out they got into
very big trouble last time they did. No, Hannie, YOU
probably got into very big trouble because your
parents give a fuck. Karen, on the other hand, got a
pat on the head and was only made to write a passive
agressive apology note.
Karen goes into manipulation mode and suggests taht
Mrs. Porter will think they like her and that will
make her happy. It's not true, of course, but who
cares as long as Karen gets to one up Ricky tomorrow?
She points out that if they go out right away and
catch Mrs. Porter in her garden, then she can't hurt
them because everybody would see. Well, this is a
SLIGHT step up in logic from the last book. SLIGHT.
Oh barf, now she's using emotional blackmail:
'“Don’t you want me to have the best cast in our class
tomorrow?” I asked.'
Where's that bucket again? But Hannie is a good
minion..er...friend and agrees that she does. But now
Karen has to figure out how to ask Mrs. Porter because
if she asks why her autograph, Karen can't say because
she's the only witch in town. Hannie facepalms over
the stupidity of this conversation. Just think of
Still not quite grasping that amulets are a part of
witchcraft, Karen loads up on lucky charms. Instead of
a spell and herbs this time, they're going with the
lucky rabbit's foot. I guess the rest of the rabbit
isn't so lucky. And a lucky stone. Why do I think that
Karen has a whole drawer of "lucky" items?
Oh boy...Karen admits that the stone isn't really
lucky, but she told Hannie it was lucky so she would
feel better and go along with her plan. Is it any way
NORMAL for a six year old to be this good at
Karen keeps her hand around the rabbit's foot, which
is lucky, why Hannie clutches the stone that she was
LIED to about. But she doesn't have any time to think
about that, because Morbidda Destiny has gone inside.
Now they have to actually ring the doorbell.
Hannie is scared and once again Karen steps up as a
natural salesman explaining how they'll be safe since
everyone is still outside. Then she reminds Hannie the
lucky stone will protect her. Even though Karen
doesn't believe the stone is lucky and admits lying
about it to make her friend feel better.
Karen rings the bell and snarks that her witch looks
the same as always. Mrs Porter does not seem overly
thrilled to have them there, but asks what she can do
for them. She is asked to autograph the cast and when
she wants to know how Karen broke her list, Karen
decides it's a really bad idea to lie to a witch and
tells the truth for the first damn time in this book.
Karen is not too afraid to notice, though, that the
witch is not impressed and gets a little defensive,
telling her it's not interesting but that's how it
happened. And she wants Mrs Porter's autograph because
she's a neighbor and Hannie says she's in a cast
signing contest. Apparently Hannie doesn't think lying
to a witch is a good idea either.
Even though she's confused, Morbidda Destiny reaches
into the folds of her dress and takes out a pen "like
magic". Or, you know, like pockets.
Karen suddenly isn't sure she wants to do this and
decides to jerk her arm away. Only it's too late! The
witch has signed! She's almost afraid to look, after
all, what would a witch sign on a cast? Maybe you
should've thought of that ahead of time.
Of course, like a normal person, Mrs. Porter signed
her name and drew a little picture of a black cat.
Karen spazzes internally about this, wondering if it's
a spell or a sign to attract other witches. Because
every witch in America wants to deal with Karen
She thanks the witch and gets the hell out of there,
dragging Hannie along.
Karen wants to examine the cast under a light to
figure out what the picture of the black cat means. It
means she drew a picture of a black cat, dumbass. Then
she decides to show it to her family and if they don't
panic, she won't be worried either.
She finds Charlie and Sam in the kitchen eating, and
snark that they are always eating. Well, good think
Watson's a Real Live Millionaire then. Charlie smiles
but Sam could care less that Mrs. Porter signed
Outside she shows it to Elizabeth, Watson and Kristy,
who are gardening together. Because when I think about
being thirteen, I remember wanting to garden with my
parents when I wasn't busy. Instead of, say, hiding in
my room reading Seventeen magazine and listening to
Watson points out the picture is of Midnight and Karen
feels silly. I think she should get used to this
feeling, because she's going to feel it a lot in life.
If she ever grows a conscience. IF.
Elizabeth schmoozes how happy Mrs Porter must have
been to get a visit from kids because she's so lonely.
How do they know she's lonely? Obviously she has
family because her granddaugter is in one of the books
in the series. Living alone does not equal being
lonely. Just like being single or not having kids does
not automatically make you lonely.
Hannie almost blows their cover and says they needed
Mrs Porter's autograph because she's a witch, but
Karen drags her away before her parents realize she's
back to her old tricks. In the house she tells Hannie
that grownups don't understand about witches.
Then Karen does a one eighty and says she wishes that
Mrs Porter had added "Morbidda Destiny" so everyone
knew it was a witch autograph. Where the hell did she
ever get that was her name anyways? That's never
explained. Maybe they'll save that for #123 Karen's
But she's happy because her cast will be just as good
as Ricky's even if it was not better.
The Brewer-Thomas clan breathes a sigh of relief that
their ordeal is over for another two weeks. Except
Kristy, who goes to help Karen pack up and
intentionally talks to her instead of hiding somewhere
until she's left and the coast is clear.
When Kristy mentions that Karen had an exciting
weekend, the first thing out of Karen's mouth is “I
got a witch’s autograph.” Kristy is kinda 'WTF, you
broke a bone' and Karen's all 'oh yeah that too.'
Karen says she's happy to go to school the next
morning because she'll be a star. Kristy tries to
remind her she'll have a co-star because Ricky has a
cast too and Karen's reaction is to be mad at Ricky.
How DARE he break his ankle when she broke her wrist
and take full attention off of her?!
Lisa and Seth arrive and the kids get into a car laden
with suitcases and "things" from their trip to the
State of Maine. I hope they at least kept the more X-
rated stuff in bags, at least.
And because this is Karen's world and we all simply
live in it, Lisa asks her how she would like a famous
person's autograph. Because her friend, a famous movie
star, is in town this week and Lisa said they could go
visit her that night. Almost like she's doing it to
specficially to get the cast autography.
Oh so THAT'S where Karen gets it.
Hope you enjoyed it! I can't help but wonder how many children now think that breaking a bone is a great source of attention because of this book.
Next up: #3 Karen's Worst Day