Babysitters' European Vacation - Prologue - Chapter 3
Of course, although I am done with the Jessi snark for now, this book opens up with Jessi prologue. Bah. She's writing in the travel journey and is very excited about her trip, as you would expect any 11 year old to be. She has been screaming all day. I bet her parents love that. Apparently Becca is jealous and Aunt Cece is the only one who is mad. I would also be mad if she kept screaming. Becca is speaking with a British accent and saying "abfab" a lot. I have NEVER heard a British person say "abfab" as slang or in a context other than referring to the comedy show Ab Fab. We also do not say Top Hole. I hate this book.
Still Jessi. She's on the phone to Maritza, one of her Dance NYC friends. My word, these girls have egos the size of New York, don't they? She thinks that Martiza is mad at her for going away. Shut up Jessi, she lives in NYC. But, by some remarkable coincidence, the likes of which only happen in BSC land, Martiza's older sister Tanisha is also going to be in London as the permanent company of NYC just happen to be performing there. Sigh. Performing at the Barbican. Now, although this is of course a big deal, this isn't entirely unrealistic as the Barbican is a performing arts centre. Jessi is sad as they are performing a piece she learned with Dance NYC and she would be performing there too if she'd accepted her place to the permanent company. She didn't want to as Stoneybrook is home and we're now into chapter two-ness. Yawn. Nothing to comment here except Dawn is visiting for Summer and wearing bell-bottoms, yet it's ok to ridicule Ashley Wyeth in book 12 for wearing them. Hypocrites. Oh and health food is disgusting. Shut up, Jessi. You always tell us that ballerinas need to watch their weight (great message) so get down and happy with delicious healthy food. Finally, she finishes the chapter by packing her leotard and ballet slippers so she can practice in hotel rooms.
I have to confess, I like Abby. I also like her meeting the Queen checklist. I like to think it's sarcastic and she's making a list just to annoy Kristy who immediately snarks on asking the Queen about Elvis. They are at the BSC farewell party at Kristy's house and hanging out at the buffet table. Abby is munching on carrot sticks and is not being ridiculed for it. I guarantee that Dawn is. Some of the girls are working at Playground Camp in the 'Brook whilst the rest are away, so of course we need a farewell party as they can't survive being apart a few nights. Big band music is playing and Abby snarks that they "tolerate" it as the food is good. Shut up, Abby. You are a guest. And anyway, you like Elvis. Kristy continues snarking on the list. Abby says maybe the Queen wants to borrow sugar. Dawn says "yuck". I take back what I have said and hope that actually, everyone is ridiculing Dawn because she is obnoxious. Mary Anne cries and the girls (and Logan, presumably) have a group hug. Stacey is a spoilt brat and starts moaning that her mom is going and is no longer excited about going on the trip herself. Shut up, Stacey. Do you know how lucky you are? It turns out that there is also only one other chaperone from SMS. So, if there are 50 kids going like the Hawaii trip, that is 2 chaperones for 50 kids. Stoneybrook fails. Watson brings in apple cider and they drink a toast, including to Logan. Abby says it tastes better than champagne. I agree. I hate champagne.
Stacey is going to be a royal pain in the arse in this book, I can just tell. Mr Dougherty is the other chaperone on the trip and he is the idiotic creative writing teacher who was unnecessarily hard on Mallory if you ask me. Then again, she called him dibble a lot. Ugh. Anyway, from now on, he is Mr D because I can't be bothered to type. He is wearing a beret and apparently has a handlebar moustache. Maybe he is featuring in this book to mock stereotypes? One can only hope. Stacey's mom who's got it going on apparently grilled a flight attendant about Stacey's diabetes and embarrasses her, before demanding a non sugary snack. Shut up, Stacey. It's because she cares. Although that said, demanding a snack is rude. Asking politely if there is anything else available is fine; demanding is not. Why? Because 1) It's rude and 2) An aeroplane flight cannot cater for every bodies dietary requirements apart from the in-flight meal and Stacey should have brought some suitable snacks on board. I'm starting to see where she gets her entitled attitude from. She's also feeling antsy because she's sitting next to ex boyfriend Robert. Shut up, Stacey. You moved to the counter to escape your mother so stop complaining. Oooh, we get a boob reference. Jacqui of Bad Girls fame is wearing a low cut top and it shows a lot. Naughty Jacqui, drinking wine and showing off her boobs to Robert. Stacey makes a snide reference about seeing so much. Stacey is jealous because she's hitting on Robert. She then complains about the diabetic inflight meal and then I went to smack her. The landing is bumpy due to fog (welcome to London!) and I thank my lucky stars that Dawn isn't on the flight or she would be going on and on about her millions of flights. They disembark at Heathrow and Stacey prattles on about it seeming foreign and Mr D says "Tally Ho" and I say "F--- Off" because we British like to swear a lot, but you don't hear that in these books, do you? Seriously, we swear ALL the time. Swearing is multi-purpose. You can use it to insult, in which case, I do not approve. But we also use swear words for nouns, verbs, all sorts. It's the f---ing business! We do not say Tally Ho. No one says Tally Ho. I went to Oxford and I have a load of Cambridge friends and we do not say Tally Ho. Alan Gray pretends to be a terrorist and the customs guys search him. Fool. He certainly wouldn't get away with it now.
Stacey compares London to Greenwich Village in New York. I am off to Google. I was going to tell her to shut up, but I see her point. But when did that stop me? Shut up, Stacey. They eventually arrive at the hotel and Stacey images Fawlty Towers. Shut up, Stacey. Mr D introduces himself to a man in a tweed jacket (sigh) smoking a pipe (sigh) and it turns out that he is a guest. They go to check in and this is the bit which makes me want to cry.
“Take the lift to the third story. And heavy rain is on its way, so if you do go out, remember your macs, wellies, and bumbershoots!”
Mac? I can accept. Although now I have a pregnancy craving for mac'n'cheese. Wellies? Perfectly normal. BUMBERSHOOTS?!
What the flying f--k is a bumbershoot? My friend Google says it is a music festival in Seattle, but I don't think hotel clerk is telling them to not forget their music. Or maybe he is? I wouldn't get on the tube without my music to drown out the annoying gum chewers.
Some further digging eventually reveals it to be "a humerous term for an umbrella". Are you having a laugh?
Finally, for the grand finale, everyone goes to their rooms and unpacks. Stacey finds...human ashes in the suitcase! She picked up the wrong one.
Hahahahaha, serves you right, brat.
That's enough for now...stay tuned for ranty Brit when we explore London.