Several pages of her failed attempts to get her parents together for romantic events. Several issues with my contacts. Fuck you, Bausch & Laumb. Afterwards, her mom decides to go on a surprise exploration of available Stoneybrook real estate and Stacey goes with her. They surprise Claudia and bring her along, which is cool of Mrs. MG, I will say. Having to hear the opinion of two 13 year oldS who are under the delusion that they know what’s cool and artsy, while having no real understanding of the value of money sounds like a bloody drag to me, but WHATEVS, its SB and I just can’t even anymore. This is JUST about the point in the series where I started getting the knitted eyebrows thing and the “what….huh?” look in my eyes.
High-larity ensues as they look at ugly houses. One house is pink (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"You little ladies just holler if you need anything."
Ha ha, I like hearing about the trash of Stoneybrook. Not so uppity now, are we, SB? (Yes, I used a baby voice in my head when I wrote that). They even talk about how at Christmas, they basically turn the place into Clark Griswalds house with the number of decorations they pull out. Whats wrong with a little spirit, huh? If Kristy did it, they would rename the town Bethlehem and people would make pilgrimages. God, you girls are snots. Finally, they look at an older home (1880’s) and they love it. Stop. We’re stopping here. Because Maureen said previously that they are on a tight budget. Now- I live in an older neighborhood. Basically, people buy houses here and renovate or add on. Our house, in particular, has a new addition on the back, that’s all kind of up to date, all nice nice. The front part is older- 1947 older. THAT SHIT IS THE MONEY PIT OF MY LIFE. Constant battles with insulation (and we live in the south, so it’s not even that cold), replacing shit, electrical issues, getting rid of freaking lead paint, re finishing the floors…. So, on a budget, they are buying a house 70 years older than even ours? That’s stupid. It just is. Get a brain, Maureen. We bought our house understanding all this, budgeting for it, but you act like you just found a little treasure; an older charming home at a perfect price. No. You just found a home at a great price that will take some investment money. WHO DOESN’T THINK OF THIS?
This chapter starts with a notebook entry. But it’s not about a baby sitting experience, again. What’s this?? It’s Dawn again. She says how much she would love to have Stacey back, but emphasizes how very very important it is that they don’t pressure her and let her make her own decisions. THIS. Dawn, you ROCK in this book. Fragile, who? So it’s a BSC sleep over, and Dawn makes some funny jokes (SHUT UP WHATS WRONG WITH LOVING DAWN BEFORE SHE BECAME THE SCARY HIPPIE THEY MADE HER INTO LATER) and Stacey is happy with how natural they are. Aw, you can kind of feel for Stacey here. She’s been living two different lives for a while now, and she fits in both places, but…that’s hard, dude. She like being with the BSC, which is still kind of laid back (for now) and easy going, but she likes NYC where the girls are more into older stuff like guys and clothes and all that….I don’t know, I feel for her right now. She feels torn, and I’ll admit to finding this vaguely realistic. Did anyone here EVER fit into one social persona? Didn’t you ever feel torn about where you fit in? I did; while my concern was more “Am I a bookish quiet nerd, or a I don’t care what you think free spirit nerd...with books?", I still think this is a more real version of kids than say, KRISTY by book #100.
Notes: Stacey paints her toenails with clear pink polish. How is nail polish both clear and yet pink? She gets points back when Kristy is all “B, who is even going to see your nails” and Stacey coolly said “Me, I like to look good for myself.” Yes, we all know she is lying and hoping some random hot guy will take her shoes off, but go with it.
Hallmark Moment: After everyone else falls asleep, Claudia assures Stacey that she is her best friend whether she lives in NYC or Nepal (yes, that’s just how good the Claudster is at geography). One moment, my contacts are being weird again.
Stacey misses Stoneybrook! For shame. There is unsnarkable text about her dad getting an apartment and her moms's reaction. And a fight about where Stacey lives. Real talk, this is some of the MOST unsnarkable stuff in a BSC book. I was joking about the contacts before, but I don’t like this chapter and I need a moment to get a snuggle from my husband.
"My love for you, Wavvedout, runs as deep as my growly voice I use as Batman"
OK back. Stacy makes a list of pros and cons over who she moves with. Its not cute or funny or snarkable. How do I keep getting into snarks like this? Stacey decides to go with her mom. She tells her Dad later. I’m done for now, and not kidding, I hate this chapter . Seriously. Read it now, as an adult, and try to not cry. Let me know your results.
It’s moving day! I HATE moving. I don’t mind unpacking because it bothers me to have boxes around (also I have a horrible idiosyncrasy about not having my books around me; I told you I was nerdy), but packing makes me want to set myself on fire.
Stacey has announced the news of her decision, and as I expected, the dumbasses she picked as BFF’s are freaking morons. No one cares about the serious, aching, painful decision she made. They care about what it means for them. Laine is sad because no more Stacey around to be her hot, but not too hot, sidekick. Claudia is thrilled that her BFF and partner in fashion crime is coming back. She’s probably planning how they can dress themselves as Gobstoppers as we speak. All of this is understandable, but WHY ARE THEY WORRIED ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. Stacey needs people to support and love her no matter what decision she made AND THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THIS ABOUT HER. For once, a BSC member deserves some attention and support lavished on her. Save us, Dawn.
On another note, I like the Toledo reference in here that Judy makes. I always thought it was in Asia as a child. Oh, the days before Wikipedia.
Ugh, fights over stuff in the house. I actually take a moment to imagine me and my husband trying to divide who gets what over our house and decide not to snark that part. Although between us, I think I’d be pretty safe to say I would keep my 100+ collections of BSC books.
"And keep your bloody paws off the Harry Potters, too!"
Stacey cries again. She’s listening to her headphones to drown out the arguing, drops them for one second, hears screaming, and loses it. This is a painful book. It has its moments of stupid vapid idiocracy, but no matter how you write it, divorce at age 13 SUCKS ASS and I’m sad now.
Stacey baby sits the Walkers and has to explain why she can’t babysit anymore. The kids get all paranoid about their parents divorcing (at their age, I’ll allow them a little selfish thinking, whereas Laine and Claudia fail epicly about caring) and she calms them with no sense of resentment over how well their parents get along. She’s very accepting at this point, and that’s kind of realistic…like what can she do? It hurts, but its life. Im glad she mans up for the kids, especially since her parents never can. Maybe this is actually kind of a good BSC book, when you think about it…..her parents’ divorce is an on-going issue in this series (reference Stacey’s Big Emergency). It’s not a good thing, but their divorce is kind of ugly and that’s more common than Mr. Thomas conveniently walking out before the series, or the Schaffer’s divorce that happened before Dawn moves 3000 miles away and joined a cult. Most people don’t just shake hands and say, “Well good luck!” Stacey’s parents are probably a pretty good example of a pre teens divorced parents. Unfortunately
Stacey wakes up with a sick stomach on moving day. This last half of the book is a real drag. Next snark, its back to something that doesn’t…um, dry my contacts out. Stacey’s dad has been staying at his new place since he got a new bed. That just pisses me off for some reason. It feels premature, and smacks of deep seated abandonment issues for Stace later on, but maybe I’m reading too much into it. Laine brings over breakfast, some crap that apparently you must eat in New York. Even NYC OJ is more sophisticated than me.
Stacey thinks they could be a family- her dad, mom, and Laine. Except your family is beneath Laine, Stace. Then Stacey, ever the philosopher, says maybe they are family even though they aren’t related. No shit, Sherlock. Laine FINALLY comes thru; after all is packed and they are ready to roll, Stacey says she isnt sure she made the right decision. Laine tells her she saw the list and that she did. SUPPORT! Finally! Laine doesn’t even make a scene! Admittedly, probably because she has already enlisted a new fake BFF, possibly one with less of a pull towards candy inspired outfits, but WHATVS. In BSC Land, you take what you can get.
Aw, Stacey gets a clichéd BFF necklace from Laine, which she suspiciously doesn’t remember seeing on Laine. I’ll let that one go. Also, her parents are going to let her decorate her new bedroom. Ah. I sense a steady tradition of buying someone’s love coming on.
Welp, here’s some completely unexpected shit: They arrive at their new house and the BSC and the children they foster throw Stacey a surprise party. I, for one, am so surprised I actually had to re-read the passage several times. The BSC, throwing a party. You GUYS. Crazy talk.
HOLY SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS. Do you know what the banner they are holding says? “We knew you’d be back, Stacey.” I actually lean my head back and have to take several minutes to put together my thoughts, other than “khaskl;oawiehjfnowaiehnfc;oiWHNDV;C
“We knew you’d be back.”
It sounds like something a drug dealer would say to a client who swears to them they are off the stuff and then said client comes crawling back. It sounds like something someone who hasn’t once thought about the pain, guilt, and fears in choosing to come back to Stoneybrook following their parents’ divorce would say. I can't even verbalize why this bothers me so much. It sounds condescending, like, "Well, duh, who cares how you got here, we KNEW you would be back. It was foretold 13 years before your birth." or something. Am I taking this too far? Seriously, is anyone else offended at this? Like, how hard would it have been to be like, “Welcome Back, Stacey!” Not too hard, since that’s the TITLE OF THE BOOK. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THIS IS APPROPRIATE, AMM?After sweeping up the hair I pulled out of my own scalp off the floor, I continue. Jackie falls down. So did my opinion of this book after reading the banner. I am really asking if I am the only person who finds this banner to be ridiculous.
Finally, it’s just Stacey and Claudia. Fashion alert: Claudia has on a headband with a giant rose on it. Long oversized black and white sweater, black leggings, pink and black socks, black ballet slippers. This is her with her socks off:
There is some Hallmarking over whether Moms are able to be Dads that I don’t have the energy to make fun of. Cliff notes version: They can. Claudia then turns around it to be about her and talks about how much she needed Stacey after Mimi died. Well, I’m sure if Stacey could have magically arranged to move back to town then, she would have. Again, I don’t lick Claudia in this book. I also don’t lick when Claudia says that even though Stacey’s parents are feeding her, taking care of her, and generally making sure she stays alive, that they should be allowed to do what they want. Actually, that’s exactly what it means. It’s not like they beat her. They separated thinking it would be best for her. YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING AT AGE 13, CLAUDIA. They’ve done a decent job so far. Yes, this sucks, but they thought it was for the best. You really don’t understand since youre parents “don’t have any big problems”. Why aren’t you getting this?Finally, Claudia admits that she understands Stacey might be not fully happy yet (ding ding ding! Someone get this girl a cookie!).
Haha, Stacey also senses her parents decorating her room is a total pay-off. Smooth, McGills. Stacey goes to baby sit Charlotte. I always identified with Charlotte as a kid, and now I’m embarrassed to realize that she’s annoying. Great. Dr. J says she’s a new Charlotte, with friends and everything, but still needs Stacey. Because that’s not a lot of pressure on a teenage girl with her own issues. Sweet LORD Charlotte’s going to be one clingy girlfriend. Next it’s a BSC meeting, with all members dressed to the nines according to their character traits. Dawn’s wearing alfalfa sprouts strategically arranged on her body, while Kristy has draped herself in garbage bags. The book ends with the creepy foreshadowing of Mallory promising to call Stacey and inviting herself to come over to her house since they are now neighbors.
DUNNN DUNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Well, that’s over. I think since I seem to have a penchant for family drama, I might tackle Dawn’s Family Feud. That’ll learn me real good about girl crushing on Dawn.