I'm up too early. Gonna do some more snarking before I run off to watch Victorious.
Karen has another awesome trippy fever dream about being in Candy Land and her mother finds her passed out on the couch. Andrew doesn't wanna go to preschool because Karen doesn't have to go to school. I don't get why she can't just let the kid stay home; it's a preschool. I stayed home from mine for two months straight 'cause I got bored with it and they didn't give a fuck and basically told my mom "K bring her back when she's ready." Karen's little-house family is being ~very nice~ to her and aren't they ALWAYS being super-nice to her, even when she is a brat? Karen says being sick is no fun even though three chapters ago she was talking about how lucky the flu kids were to be out of school. Only funny till it happens to you, huh Karen?
Aww, Karen's sweet to want to win a car on Concentration so she can replace Charlie's piece of crap. Karen spends all day barking orders at Andrew because he's her slave, then expresses a desire to go to the big house and infect everyone/probably bark orders at Kristy because she's her slave.
Karen expresses another, more prominent desire to infect the big house because BUT BUT ANDREW'S GOING! ;_; And again, probably wants Kristy to be her slave. But she's saved by the Magical Activity Book Of Hope And Wonder! and do 7-year-olds really still enjoy Connect The Dots? I grew out of that when I was 5. Holy shit, Caddie Woodlawn is mentioned I always thought that was an obscure book. Karen comes up with this overelaborate plan to make a bell-ringer and I'm reminded of the breakfast machine (that's legit the best video of it I could find). She decides it's stupid and just rings the damn bell with her hand. At the end she feels better but Nancy reports that there's still 6 other kids sick.
Karen has another trippy dream about Pamela overfeeding her pudding and then she wakes up and needs to barf. Sick fakeouts, I hate them as much as she does. But Karen won't let a stupid stomach flu get her down, OH HELL NO. KAREN BREWER IS GOING TO THE ZOO, DAMMIT! I admire her determination, I really do (remember: I don't dislike Karen, I just like snarking her). Why does she always say Nebraska as "the state of Nebraska" seriously? She never says "Stoneybrook is in the state of Connecticut" or some shit. By the end Karen is better for real and can go to school the next day.
GUESS WHO'S BACK? BACK AGAIN? KAREN'S BACK. TELL A FRIEND. But uh uh-oh, half the class is still absent (if anyone was wondering just how small Karen's class is, there's 16 kids in it). Miss Colman decides to let them screw around and have spelling bees and stuff 'cause too many kids are absent, but we all know Miss Colman lets them screw around and have parties and shit ALL the time. Karen reminds us that she was first runner-up in a real spelling bee and got to be on TV. They sing Do Re Mi in a round and of course Natalie's the one who messes them all up. Nothing good can EVER happen to Natalie. Then they do the animal sculptures.
OHSHI HANNIE'S SICK!!! UH-OH, SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN FOR REALZ NOW!!!! The way she talks about it, I feel like that if Hannie DOESN'T get well by the trip she's gonna make herself sick again and force Nancy to do so as well because THA THREE MUSKETEERS MUST STICK 2GETHR!!! Karen's learning a lot from her big sister K. Ron The Cult Leader. But it's all good 'cause Hannie comes back and it turns out she just had a cold. Karen interrupts attendance-taking to yell HEY LOOK MISS COLMAN ONLY THREE PEOPLE ARE OUT TODAY!!! WE CAN HAS ZOO RIGHT? If you'd let her finish taking the damn roll she could've seen HERSELF that three people are absent, Karen. Karen's cult can't stick together after all because they can't have two partners OH WELL. Hannie decides to be partners with Natalie and I'll bet they'll have the greatest time without Karen there to be a bitch.
Only one absence on the day of the zoo trip. Watson takes a break from being an unconcerned background parent to chaperone Karen's trip. Nothing more to say here, except I don't get why Karen, Nancy, and so many other kids in books (and real life) aren't allowed to have soda when diet soda exists and guess what, NO SUGAR! And it tastes exactly the same as regular soda.
Chapter 14 (Natalie receives the first round of abuse)
I fucking hate the bus scenes in this book for one reason: Natalie is mercilessly shat on and receives no justice. None. Apparently, even Miss Colman allows these little shits to kick the girl around however much they want. It's really no fucking wonder Natalie is such an insecure, shy, and awkward kid. They get on the bus and Karen states the blatantly obvious: "We are going to the zoo! We are going on a fact hunt!" *gasp* NOOOO! I'M PRETTY SURE THEY ALL THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO MARS!!! Lol unexcited adults, they bother me. I, my soulbonds, and my two closest friends who are around my age can EASILY get just as excited as Karen for things like this. Anyway, the next scene is absolutely atrocious: Natalie feels herself getting motion sick and she says she feels like she may barf. Karen stands up and yells "MISS COLMAN MISS COLMAN DADDY DADDY NATALIE'S GONNA BAAAARRRRRFF!" If I were Natalie I would've pushed her down. Everyone's now looking at her as Miss Colman moves her to the front of the bus. These second graders sing The Wheels On The Bus. Really? In grade 2? Grade 2 was the year for Backstreet Boys, Dreamstreet, NSync, and Britney Spears for me and my classmates. We would've all been singing Bye Bye Bye and Oops I Did It Again on that bus, certainly not any fucking Wheels On The Bus. But it's okay 'cause Ricky's acting his age, but unfortunately it's for the sake of being a little shit: he starts singing "Natalie Springer goes barf, barf barf." Natalie yells at him to cut that shit out. Miss Colman scolds HER for it. Fuck you, Miss Colman, she doesn't HAVE to take that shit. This is not the only time this will happen, which makes me want to pull my hair out.
So let's see what happens when they get to the zoo...