Anyway, I've never actually read this book, so I have no idea what to expect. It's a Nola Thacker book so...this should be interesting. Nola is known for using parenthesis so this just screams "Parenthesis Count" at the end of every chapter.
First, the cover:
Now, it seems to be a fairly okay cover but something about the child on the floor disturbs me. Also, that dog looks incredibly fake. I'm hoping it's fake. Also, is it just me or does Jessi just look slightly tanned instead of black? Seriously, I'm pretty sure I'm darker then she is in this picture and I'm only half black.
Now on to the show!
Chapter 1: In Which We Meet Abby. Abby informs us that people in Stoneybrook name their cars. She knows this because her new neighbours have named their cars. These cars are of course the Junk Bucket and the Pink Clinker because in Stoneybrook all babysitters must live near another babysitter. Buddy-system at all times, ladies!
And now we find out one of Abby's personality traits. She has allergies and asthma.
HAH. Abby says that Kristy is a "Bossy beast but she is polite" I'll believe it when I see it.
I also see that Abby is shaping up to be a mini-Dawn. She has this whole thing about wives in old sitcoms "getting smart and getting out of the unpaid labour of housework" These girls really need to start living in the now instead of getting all of their ideas about the real world from I Love Lucy and All in The Family.
Abby's a twin to Anna and they couldn't be more different, guise! Newsflash: I don't care. I think that "Identical but totally different personalities!" is one of the most overused tropes. I know it happens in real life but Jesus.
Oh finally, the standard " Let me break the fourth wall and introduce myself to you!" spiel. You know, all my old stories used to have the main character describe themselves to the reader, but I had the sense to write all of my stories as the character's diaries. I also wrote some of the most Godawful Mary Sues ever. Thank God I grew out of that stage.
Oh, she's from Long Island. Why can't a character ever be from, I don't know, Idaho? Seriously, there are seven continents, 50 states and over 100 different countries. Must everyone be from New York or California? I know Stoneybrook's supposed to be a small town but they have had fetching movie stars and princesses in that place. Jesus Christ.
Abby's other character trait: She's Jewish, y'all. We'll be hearing that for the rest of the series. Everyone take notes. She's also a supah amazing soccer star like omg ~! She puts on some Aretha Franklin and says her homework can wait. Abby, sweetie, listen. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. Trust me, okay. Do your homework now before you end up with only five weeks to do like 150 assignments.
Then she starts talking about her dad, who died when she was nine. I can't really snark this part because I can relate. I felt the same way when my sister died. Moving on.
After having a mini-asthma attack, Abby goes over to Kristy's house. I have a feeling that she will regret this later.Or I will.
Oh dear God. Karen's here and doing a craft. Yep. I'm definitely going to regret this. Wait, Kristy and Abby just got off the bus. Should Karen and Andrew be here? If it is Friday, why isn't Kristy off commandeering a bunch of prepubescent girls' lives?
Abby goes home and her mother greets her and asks where she was. She also mentions that the BSCult meets on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so it isn't Friday. When did the change in Karen and Andrew's schedules happen?
Abby says that "The BSC is a club I just joined. More about that later" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Just tell us now!
Then we get a description. According to what is described, Abby's picture is pretty faithful. Anna's described as having "short, dark curly hair" and I feel for her as I have short curly hair and it is a BITCH to deal with. Blah blah blah pizza arguments I don't care. Ordering pizza is boring enough at my house. I don't want to read about others ordering pizza.
Parenthesis Count: 12.
Chapter 2: The Chapter No One Gives a Flying F*ck About. The Karen is spreading because Abby opens the chapter with that damn "two-two" shit that I despise.
Heh. Abby calls Kristy "The supposed Queen of Great Ideas" Methinks Abby knows Kristy's ideas are usually crap.
Yes Abby, lucky for you that Dawn decided to leave her best friend, her mother and other friends and move 3,000 miles away.
According to Abby, the BSCult descended upon her and her sister the second they arrived in the Brook and asked them to join. Hilariously, the fact that Anna said "no" gets its own paragraph. It goes on to mention that they were "surprised because no one has ever said no to them before." Good girl Anna. Resist them.
Blah blah blah, a recap of "Kristy's Great Idea" I hated that book.
Abby describes Stacey and Claudia as "Two knockout babes" No lie, that is exactly what she said. Hello rampant lesbianism tag. It's been a while.
escaped the cult started hanging out with those beeyotchs and almost quite the club! ZOMG NOOO!!!!11!!!ELEVENTY. But she "came to her senses and rejoined the BSC" I'm not so sure about that.
Jessi and Mallory's descriptions next. At least we aren't beat over the head with "Jessi's black BUT IT'S TOTALLY OKAY GUISE. LIKE SRSLY."
Mention of Dawn, passionate about the environment (more like a raging bitch whenever anyone DARES to throw away a can.)
The meetings start and the Papadakisis call and surprise, surprise, Abby's the only one free. Mal then brings up what can only be the subplot. Stoneybrook schools are thinking of cutting art and music programs. I guess after all of the parades, dances and pageants they need to cut back. Abby and Kristy are all "whatevs. I don't do these things so I don't care." Dawn would frown upon that. We must always fight for any cause that comes along!
GOD DAMN. The fund-raising carnival is now a BSC project including, you guessed it! CHILDREN. Can these girls do ANYTHING without kids?!
Chapter 3: I Really Hate Babysitting Chapters so Why Am I Reading A Series About Baby-Sitting?
Okay, so Abby's sitting, Hannie almost gets run over by a car, Abby has an asthma attack. Kristy just randomly wanders over and calls an ambulance yada yada yada Abby realises that Kristy sees her as an invalid and wonders if Kristy wonders if it was a mistake to add Abby to the club.
Okay, if they can have Stacey "I can't be in the same room as a single M&M or I'll die!" McGill, I think Abby would be okay. She just can't get over excited like she did today. And honestly, I'd be more worried about Hannie almost getting run over. And now Abby's in
Parenthesis Count: 1.
And now it's late and I must stop here. I'll try and get this entire book done by Sunday. I hope the rest of this book is even more snarkable. It probably is. There's a carnival and Abby angsting if she'll be thrown out of the BSC.